IT'S THE WIRING, STUPID! ~~~ (Part 1)

Martin Luther King once mused about a world where a man can be judged by the content of his soul and not the color of his skin. Rodney King once asked "Can't we all just get along?".....

It has come to me that we have been waxing poetic about a Utopian society that is fixated on getting along, merging with the un-mergeable, talking to people you don't necessarily like, not celebrating (or acknowledging) the differences of races, cultures and habits and political correctness at the expense of honesty. I'm done with the Star Trek moment folks. Put your oxygen masks on:

It is because we are "wired" differently, that the "cumbaya" moment of all of us joining hands in a chain link around the planet is never gonna happen.

Let's talk about the brain wiring according to the House of Pain, shall we?

WE can gloss it all we want, and we can espouse the virtues of being color-blind until Jesus lands in Jerusalem again, but I think the human being is naturally drawn to that which most closely resembles himself. Do you think it's an accident that most whites marry whites? most Asians marry Asians? Most Blacks marry Blacks? It is because all things being equal (and there are always the aberrations so pipe down!), we will always steer ourselves to "comfort circle" that our own kind brings. Why do gangs in prisons segregate according to race? Do you think its an accident or its written in the Warden's manual as they roll in? Nope, its as natural as going potty. As yourself this, if you were put into a room with 10 different groups of racial/cultural backgrounds, would you feel equally comfortable with all? or would you naturally have an affinity to that group which most closely mimics your ethnicity? That's not to say you would not mingle at will with others,... I'm just saying that in most cases we are drawn to those closest to our own reflection of looks, and we extrapolate from there to culture and behavior patterns. Political correctness be damned, I will say it for you. I call it innate racial preference, and in no way am I implying it is negative. It is what it is.

I was listening to Limbaugh the other day as he bellowed on the fact that ANYBODY has the ability to improve his or her life, and thrive to become a wealth-earner in America blah-blah-blah. Rush, I love ya' babe, you are as entertaining as a fart in a jacuzzi; but let me put it to you this way. That kool aid has some amount of B.S. written in its code. Sure a good percentage of the population is just lazy and if prodded with the right incentive and motivation can certainly improve their financial situation greatly. But lets not kid ourselves, not everybody is wired to excel, not everybody is wired to want more that the regular guy next door. Not everybody was meant or wired to do what it takes to buy a house. That's why there are apartments! Seriously. Not everybody is wired to compete for the best life has to give. Some folks are just not materialistic and have a socialistic ethos of living. They believe you should just have enough to live comfortably -but no more-, with a small carbon footprint, and any other economic largess spewed out by the economy should be put to use for the greater good. These people are not necessarily bad or necessarily of altruistic intentions, they are just not wired to have the BMW, the 2,800 square foot stucco home, nor the 120 gig I-Pod. They are happy living a simple life and at times look condescendingly at those (like Rush) who thrive on competition on monetary success. Let's face it, society will always have to deal with that 10% of slugs, leeches and just lazy-asses who just don't know how to care for themselves, don't care about improving their lives, and are more than happy to live off the Dole until they kick it.

And speaking of social wiring, it goes to my favorite topic, politics. Why are some people Republicans, some Democrats, some Green, some Communist/Socialists..... why? Because due to a myriad of things such as childhood influence, life experience, genetic social preferences, and conscious or unconscious choices, they wound up being of a particular mind-set to which the platform of certain parties become attractive. Example:

Some bleeding heart liberals see a Bum (Homeless wanderer to the politically correct in the room) laying on the curb and says: "Sir, this is not your fault, society has done this to you, let me take you to the shelter and get you clothing, feed you, try to get you detoxed from whatever chemical dependency you may have and I will continue doing so until I can do it no more because there is no limit to my compassion and caring" .... Liberals really live this! they are wired to give the Bum some Sushi instead of teaching him how to fish for it. How they got wired that way? who cares,... they may never see the virtues of a conservative way of thinking. It is what it is.

A Conservative or Libertarian sees a Bum laying on the the curb as says: "Sir, there is no doubt life has given you a bad cast of luck right now, or maybe this has been a self-inflicted wound on your part. Well, I am going to help you help yourself. I am not going to coddle you and feel sorry for you. Rather I am going to kick your ass with tough love and show you how to get some self-esteem so that you can become a wealth earner and a resource to society instead of being a wealth-waster and a consumer of society's resources. I am going to give you this gut string and show you how to fish, cook the fish and never have to depend on anybody again for as long as you live"..... Conservatives (at least real ones, in my view) are really wired to be independent, semi-isolationists, and fend for themselves. How they got wired that way? who cares, ... they may never see the virtues of a liberal. It is what it is.

What's my point here.... in most cases, we all love our children, our neighborhoods and our country. We just have a different idea on what is the best road to walk and map the future with..., We all have different ideas of what compassion or altruism is,... we all think we have a monopoly on "caring" or "understanding". The bottom line to me? as long as the human Ape keeps evolving along its natural course, as long as his "wiring" is as unique as his fingerprint, he will continue searching for his "niche"...continue looking out for himself and those like him, and continue spewing the ideal that they believe to all those who will listen.

Part 2 of this thread will really be fun. Its called...

Why a Divided States of America is an inevitable reality and why that is not a bad thing....

Bloggus Interruptus ...

Im taking a few days to work on my MySpace.com page. I know... i know..., but its the central freeway and clearinghouse between my family and i so I promised them I would upload pics, and fill it with the usual bells and whistles. I can't do both this AND that now can I?.... ,

Never fear, the House of Pain will be back in about 48 hours.... or so...

(yeah, thats me on the pic... love that hair......)

coda ~

when you hit a wall? re-post...

On July 2006 there was a great uproar over the incident of Qana, in Lebanon. The following is what happens when I happen to go to a blues club with ganja in the air. Did I go to bed? Nah... I just decided to post while under the influence of 2nd hand ganja smoke. Why the re-set? Oh, I don't know, I guess I feel like reliving a good laugh or two.... The posting was called:

HEZBOLLAH HILLBILLIES IN ACTION !

(Warning: The following excerpts were stolen from NSA high security computers underneath Fort Meade, Virginia. It depicts a conversation in Southern Lebanon between 2 Hezbollah freedom fighters on the eve of that terrible "massacre" of innocent woman and children at Qana. This conversation has been abbreviated to compensate for the differences in dialect and content. Persons on Prozac consumption, of queasy tummy's and hemorrhaging liberal views will find the content barbaric, myopic and in terrible taste,...... enjoy it!, as I know you still won't contain yourself from reading.)

(The hills of southern Lebanon, north or Qana, 2130 hours GMT)

Mustafa: "Kahlid!, praise be to Allah!, I have found a great place to launch holy rockets into the pit of the Jewish land's underbelly..."

Khalid: "May his elegant blessing be passed to all our martyrs (kneeling and bowing, facing Cleveland, ...er Mecca)... where is this holy site you have found, Mustafa..?"

Mustafa: "It is Qana, a perfect town for our undertaking Kahlid!, Allah will surely guide our hands like holy archers in the night,... we will see the lights of Haifa burn like the flames of Hades!... "

Khalid: "But where?... Qana is but a small village, no holy warriors live there! Surely there must be a place of much safer passage, no? and what about the U.N. Forces...."

Mustafa: " What U.N. Forces?... (laughs echoing in the night), they are but a token force with no authority to stop the movements of Hezbollah!, they can't even do their own mandate of dis-arming us much less preventing us from positioning ourselves there; those blue turtle-headed muppets! 2,000-strong they are and all but a paper tiger with no teeth,... You must have faith in my reasoning my un-circumcised Brother, Allah works in mysterious ways.."

Khalid: "Then praise be to him, my twice-circumcised friend,.. for he has surely given you visions greater than I am able to see..."

Mustafa: "We have already pre-positioned camera crews from CNN, Al-Jazeera and our own Musli-vision to cover the massacre to come. A reality show contract with MSNBC is sure to follow,... it will be a...."

Khalid: "Massacre?... of what massacre do you speak of Mustafa?..."

Mustafa: (with puzzled look at Khalid)"...why, the glorious massacre leveled to the woman and children of our safe house once the hateful Jews drop those 5000-pound bombs down our sorry Syrian asses!, what other massacre could it possibly be you nappy-headed Damascan?..."

Khalid: (gulping...) "but why are we to perish?...why can't we live to tell the tale to our sons, to our daughters? to our Clitoris-less wives?... What is the logic of launching holy Katushkies from a home full of children and our venerable Muslim woman?..."

Mustafa: "... Its KATYUSHA rockets you un-educated half-breed, .. and you call yourself Hezbollah!, don't you see? first we launch, then Israel's demonic telemetry software picks up the trajectory of the incoming rockets, and instantly vectors those Satanic American-made F-16's to our site virtually assuring may-sweeps like ratings to Al-Jazeera and CNN once the bodies of the babies are recovered,... Cristian Amanpour must be in a nippled frenzy with expectations!..."

Kahlid: "Mustafa!... the heavens smile upon your wisdom.... you are truly a descendant of Mohammed's sperm sack,... , but how do you know that this plan will work?,.. will the American Media comply to our plans?..."

Mustafa: "..my sack-less brother, the American media has been our ally since September 12, 2001. By Allah, this is how it will happen, and so it shall be written in songs,... First we kidnapped 2 Israeli soldiers stupid enough to wander too close to the border, then we held them much the same as those held by those Syrian-wanna-be Palestinians in Gaza,... and once the Israelis sent Commandos to rescue them, we launched hundreds of rockets at their northern towns,.... Israel has leveled attacked on our people in proportions never witnessed by American Anchormen. All this, and the media still thinks its THEIR fault Khalid! (laughing even louder) The prophets must surely be on our side,..... the media has been on Allah's side since then,... and once the massacre of Qana comes in living color into the MTV-filthy living rooms of the infidels, we will have won the battle that counts,... the media opinion. THAT, my camel breath-smelling brother, is how wars are won,...no tanks, no airplanes,... but the blessings of an Izuzu trooper filled with gullible journalists looking for a Pulitzer prize...."

Khalid: "Pulitzer what?..... hmmmm..., but surely the American media will wake up from their drunken stupor and realize we have been pupeteering their focus, no?.... how can we be assured of their cooperation?

Mustafa: "My brother,... Thousands upon ten of thousands Christian Africans have been massacred by our Muslim brothers in the Sudan. THAT is a real massacre,.. yet not a word about it is heard in the American media. The Jews days are numbered in the world my friend,... the media will do what the Saudis, the Egyptians and the rest of the Arab league could not do in the battlefield in 1967 and 1973,... they will bring the star of David to its knees,... there to be beheaded by the collective swath of the Arab sword,.. we will prevail Khalid!, we care more about hating the Jews than we care about loving the lives of our own brothers, woman and children,... such is our entefada, such is our jihad..."

Khalid: ".... Mustafa.... I am ready!,... I am ready to die, to become a martyr (jumping for joy amongst the ivy bushes)..., tell me, oh enlightened one,... will our 72 virgins be at the waiting?... will they be lovely and robust will large alabaster bosoms and stout buttocks? will they look anything like the heathen Aryan German woman we saw during the world cup?...(panting)...."

Mustafa: "Better than that Khalid,... they will be feeding you grapes in heaven,... as you touch their un-shaven legs!..."

Kahlid: "Allah be praised!...... what was that noise?......"

(static... loud unintelligible Hebrew in the background. High-pitched scared-shitless Arabic noises........... Silence)

The good ol' days ... (for some of us anyway...)

On this Friday, I want to leave you with a little simplicity. I know you've seen this snippet before on the net, and probably in one of my postings of last year. Back then, one of the fine commenter's wondered why I was harking back to the days of "Ozzie and Harriet". Well, I'm really not. I know the days of yore were not always full of noble and good things, and we have certainly done many things as a society to correct some of the "bad" things that were considered "normal" or "American". We've come a long way, Baby. I simply want us to recall the days when we weren't as concerned about lead paint, smokers, and dozens of other things that have taken over our social psyche. I present to you....

THE WAY WE WERE...., and TO THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 30’S, 40’S, 50’S, AND 60’S ...

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn’t get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints (built HERE not in China..). We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle (thus not contributing a jillion plastic bottles to waste). We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren’t overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstation’s, Nintendo’s, X-Box’s, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms…..WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not out vary many eyes, nor did the worms live in us forever. We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!Little league had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that! The Idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk takers, problem solvers and innovators ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS! Send this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it?!

There, I've had my ration of a feel-good I.V., .... Do enjoy your weekend, lighten up a little, and know that for every one ****ed-up thing in America and the world, there are ten things well worth the joys of smiling and living.

Coda

Argumentation 2.0

Two of my recent additions to the Bullhornus-Maximus blogroll, Jen (Conservative Chic) and Wight Wing Wadical, have had a few postings as of late that have unraveled the passions of some of their commenter's. Wadical wrote an introspective piece on debating, and Jen wrote a piece questioning why people still don't believe in God. Both pieces put me to think about a a posting I wrote last year concerning the art of argumentation. I think I even synopsized the factors in my comments at Wadical's post.

The more I thought about it the more it occurred to me that as much as schools, family and society teach us to read, write, spell, diagnose and think critically; there is not a general push to try and give people a road map on how to expose their thinking in a "language that we can all here understand.." (paraphrasing Malcolm X, there....). I think the art of argumentation is lacking even more so in the blogosphere; where it is so damn easy to get into a pissing contest (sometimes just for the fun of it) without even knowing it. So, if you allow me the hubris and arrogance of pretending I have this figured out, I present to you...

TRUTH-PAIN's IDIOT's GUIDE TO MAKING YOUR POINT ON SOMEONES POST WITHOUT PISSING THEM OFF ...

Number 1

Know where the hell you are, and respect the "vibe" of the place. If you know the host is particularly sensitive to your sarcastic style (uh.. that means you T-P), then lay off the lumber and notch it down a little, will ya'? Nobody wants a Troll coming to his or her house and making a nuisance out of themselves. It makes the Blogger start putting up those stupid "moderation" filters.

Number 2

If you really don't have anything to add to a topic, then just read the thing (or not) leave a cursory "nice post" or "cool blog, I enjoyed reading this", and get the hell out. Don't try acting like you are well versed in the virtues of 7th century eastern philosophy if your literature of choice are Yugi-Oh comics or cliff notes on 90210 novels. Not that you can't participate, just stay within yourself. Believe me, I know what I am talking about. You can definitely get embarrassed real easily in some of these sites...

Number 3

Know the angle of argument the host or commenter is using as his "trump" card. By trial and error, I've come up with 7 little things that make up a persons prism : Emotional, Philosophical, Religious/Moral, Legal, logical and Political. Wadical allowed me the use of an example of how I would apply these parameters to a hot topic, allow me to provide it here:

ABORTION: Emotionally, I am against it. To this very day, I suffer the loss of an unborn child I never knew, a face I never touched, and a name I never gave. Enough said. Partial birth? don't even come near me with that argument, I cant think of (and maybe some of you can) one good reason why this barbaric procedure should ever be done. Morally, I am against it. I cannot believe this to be good for anyone. Not the mother suffering the indignation of her heels tossed up on stirrups, not the surgeon performing the hoover maneuver; and certainly not the glob of cells we call a fetus (but conveniently, not a person). How can we save the ****ing whales, the trees, and every stray cat tossed about and selectively not give a shit about life growing inside a woman? The indignation of P.E.T.A railing for the ethical treatment of animals rings hollow when a society draws the moral line in protecting its own procreation process. Religiously, I am ambivalent. Although I am a believer in a higher power I am not beholden to the writings or interpretations of the bible, the Koran or the book of Mormon, especially when its teachings and visions have led to more wars and killings than anything else known to civilization. (I can just hear my family groan after that little morsel of information,... sorry Mom and Dad, you raised your son to think outside the church,... er, box). Logically, (which in this one, I lump with Philosophy) I am pro-choice. Why? Because I believe in the creature called woman. I believe that MOST of the time, when all comes to pass, -and when she looks at herself in the mirror of her own moral compass-, she will bring to herself the best choice. Most woman choose to bring life. Most woman choose the joys and pains of birth. Most woman choose wisely and follow the vestiges of their inherent virtues. So logically, I am not going to permit that we as a society invade the castle that is a woman's body. Politically, I am pro-choice. My soon-to-be-in-expiration Libertarian ass just does not comply with ANY intrusion of Government or society on my private liberties. No matter how painful the personal memory of abortion is to me as a person, my political belief trumps my emotional pangs over the subject. Period. Legally, there is no question. The law is the law. Roe Vs. Wade says that this legislation -which complies with my political belief-, also happens to be the law of the land. And LAW reigns supreme to me. Not the law of my heart, or the law or my Father's God, but the law of Caesar, -or in this case-, America. Otherwise what kind of society are we if we cherry pick the laws we want to follow? Abortion is LEGAL, just as entering the country under a barbed wire is ILLEGAL, just like owning a firearm (in some cases) is LEGAL, just like discriminating for racial reasons is ILLEGAL. In my little garden of Eden, the laws that we make as men are unequivocal and although we may not agree with them, they are the law of the land. When it comes to the issue of Abortion, the law, trumps my emotions. If you know my history, it is painful to admit this to be my truth.

How do your issues measure up? Are you arguing them with the same root arguments as the person you are espousing them towards? You may be talking French to his Spanish, ying to his yang,.. insert whatever florid metaphor in here. You know the drill. The next time you start a pissing party with someone who is just rattling your cage, pushing your buttons, and you just don't understand how he or she doesn't "get it", take a little breath and ask yourself, from what angle is his or her argument? is it Emotional?, Philosophical?, Logical?, moral?, religious? Political? or Legal? A mixture? You figure that little tidbit, and you'll be surprised how much easier it will be to piss on him or her... if that is what you want to do. If you want to connect, then pick an angle that you know the person can connect with, and roll with it. It can't hurt, can it?

Number 4 (Thanks to Wadical for this addition to my expose...)

Remember the saying, "Don't use a hatchet to remove a fly from some one's forehead"?.... Man is that ever the gospel with Bloggers. It's like some of the folks can't help it, they treat a comment as if they are playing a video game, and the decision of how to "joystick" it to the posting is a war of attrition between the commenter's Ego and Logic:

Logic: "Check it out, T-P, this person just left an opening for you to inject a little common sense in her post, go ahead, leave her something nice. Let's do some good today..."

Ego: "Are you kidding me? This is like killing fish in a bucket! Let's fire up the Aircraft Carrier and go Defcon 5 on her ass....!"

Logic: "Why Ego?, its a harmless posting about what she really believes. I know it is contrary to T-P's but he doesn't have to waste her just to make a point..., does he?"

Ego: "Oh jeez, you linguine-spined logic pukes!, who cares? if she is stupid enough to leave herself open to a bombing run, then I say we should go Napalm, we just got a fresh batch from the Kurds and its shelf life is dwindling......"

T-P: "Ego, if I blow her out of the water, what's the point of leaving a comment when all she is going to see is a mushroom cloud and nothing else?"

Logic: "Exactly Ego!, ... don't we want her to hear the message, or do we want her to think the Messenger is a nuke-minded idiot?"

Ego: "Well, it depends what your definition of the word "is" is,... C'mon T-P! think of the mushroom cloud! Think of how much smarter you will feel when you lay waste to that puny little posting of her's?..... Hell, the electro-magnetic blast will wipe her entire blog-roll halfway to Cleveland!"

T-P: (thinking)... "Hmmm, her posting is ripe for a 10,000 pound daisy-cutter,... and I have not calibrated my "scorched earth" targeting system since I dropped that beauty on Daily Kos last year..."

Logic: "Don't do it....... put your Ego back in the holster, .... think man!"

Ego: "Do it! What's the use of all this intelligence, fast wit, argumentative skills and destructive power if we cant drop a few kilotons here and there.....?"

T-P: (panting...) ok, we're going in people. Fire up the B-1 Bomber, signal the fleet, kill the lights, pass the word for silent running, load 2 daisy-cutters on the bay and have 4 or 5 phoenix missiles on stand-by,.... I don't want any surviving comments.

Ego: "Yes!

Logic: "Pity, we could have really made an impression on the gal....."

T-P: "Open the bomb-bays!... weapons-free on my mark! 5-4-3-2-1.... bombs away! pull up! pull up,... we don't want any of the air blast coming our way,... strap on boys, we're gonna' feel this one!...

(Massive concussion impact)

Ego: "Bingo! We got em... Oh my God, her site is toast!.... there is a two-mile wide mushroom cloud full of comments-debris, HTML code and blogroll-member body parts,... look at that crater! Its the size of the Superdome! (tearing-up) there is literally nothing left of that posting. Its like the surface of the moon down there...... T-P, you are GOD!

T-P: "Roger that Ego,... we are on a five by five track back to the house of pain. Logic, you wanna' radio F.E.M.A. to do a fly-by for survivors? I don't want anybody thinking we are Barbarians here,... Logic? .... Oh Jeez, can somebody hand logic some tissues, please? And while you're at it, does anybody have any cornuts? I'm starvin' ....billion-dollar plane and same bag of peanuts for dinner..."

The logic of the above dramatization is a point Wadical made on his post. Sometimes we overkill. Sometimes we use a bazooka when a few well placed arrows would have sufficed to puncture some air out of the logic bubble of the post, and allowed a good discourse to have taken place. You don't have to go medieval on anybody to make a point. Letting the messenger get in the way of the message is the number one killer of cordial behavior in this medium. I've done it, seen many others I respect do it, and will probably see it done many more times. You want to make yourself feel better by pulling out the weedwacker on somebody? go ahead, but what is the point?...

Ok, class dismissed. It's Sunday night, I've not watched one freakin' game and my derriere is feeling the plight of sitting down for two hours......

(P.S. Mustang, one of my favorite Blogger and online foils, wrote a very enlightening comment to this post. I did not want it to get buried amongst the many kind folks that have contributed to this conversation. This is not to say yours weren't as important. I just found his words added another much-needed angle to the posting. I encourage all my friends (and foes?) to visit the link provided below. If I could write half as good as Mustang I would be angling for Pulitzer.)

It seems to me that too many people do not understand the art of argumentation. An argument isn’t shouting at someone – it is forming a proposition and then intelligently communicating it to other persons. There are a number of ways to form propositions, but not many people seem to be aware of them. One successful template is to state a proposition, support it with facts, elaborate through examples, and conclude by restating the original proposition. The problem seems to be that many people are so emotionally tied to a position that they don’t bother to discover any facts at all. Your example of “abortion” reminds me of an exercise I used to force on my students. I gave them a proposition, and they had to determine the facts and examples to support it. The proposition was “Napoleon was a good leader.” Then, I had my students determine the facts and examples that supported the opposite proposition, “Napoleon was not a good leader.” The exercise taught students that in point of act, Napoleon achieved some good things for France, but that he made some horrible decisions as well – which gave impetus to both arguments. Neither side of the argument was right, but neither was wrong. The point: there are few “absolutes” in life. We may disagree on issues, and that’s okay – but how we argue a proposition is a demonstration of intellectual engagement.

Mustang (http://www.socialsense.blogspot.com/)

It's Gonna' Be A Fun Four Years...., maybe

(AP – Washington D.C. Police reported a man calling himself Truth-Pain broke into the National Archives building yesterday and got away with the transcripts of President Hillary Clinton’s minutes during the first few days after the election. The following is a portion of the contents.)

(Principals: Hillary Rodham Clinton (POTUS), James Carville (Senior Adviser), George Stephanopoulos (Chief of Staff) and Bill Clinton (ex POTUS)

Clinton: James, do we have the list for the inaugural Ball finalized?
James: Yes, Ma’am, although some of the people that you initially excluded are coming anyway…
Clinton: What? … who?
James: Well, namely my wife Mary Matalin,….. (Looking sheepish)
Clinton: Goddammit James! I told you I don’t want her there! I’m still hot over the bombs she lobbed at Bill while she was Cheney’s Aide,… can’t you bring another date?
James: Madame President…… will all due respect, she is my wife! If I don’t bring her to this thing she will hang me by the balls,… er pardon my Cajun-ism, Ma’am…
Clinton: Well, I have ovaries so I can’t sympathize with your predicament, but can you at least consider, oh, ..I don’t know,.. Gloria Steinman? Whoopi?... any of the boys from that Gay show on Bravo?.... and don’t even think about inviting Oprah. Obama can bring her ass as his date if he wants…
James: Yes Ma’am, I’ll see what I can do. Moving on, we really have to finish our Cabinet Level candidates, and you know who has had my number on speed-dial for a week now…
Clinton: Oh God,… is Biden still barking about wanting State?...
George: Well, he has been in the Foreign Affairs Committee for decades. There is no denying he is well qualified…
Clinton: Isn’t there anybody else whose mouth doesn’t motor as much?... I can just see him go full tilt for 30 minutes on the meetings, … between him and Bill they’ll be no oxygen left for anybody to say anything…
James: Well, … he is from Delaware….
Clinton: …Meaning?...
George: (eyes lighting up) that’s right! Dover!! He’s Irish! let’s make him Ambassador to Ireland! His wife goes there twice a year,… and they have the best hair restoration surgeons in Europe! I think the State Dept. health plan covers it…

Clinton: It does? How the hell....

James: They passed that health-plan nugget at midnight back in '93..., don't think anybody's caught wind of it yet,....
Clinton: oh Jeez..... ok, Done,… what’s next?
James: I did not understand your memo on the White House Chef…. You and Mr. Clinton don’t like the food?
Clinton: It’s not the food. Her boobs are too big and causing a distraction to Bill, … I want her out of here….
George: Madame President…. (Shifting from one butt cheek to another) I don’t know if we can do that,.. If the press gets a hold of that?... we have another White House travel-gate mess in our laps…. Don’t you think we should move on to the National Security briefing?
Clinton: Jesus George! Those undulating breasts are going to make Bill go back to heart surgery..., not to mention neck whip-lash, hence distracting me from reading the damn report!... don’t you think getting that ridiculously large rack out of Bill’s radar is a national security priority?....
James: … you have a point,… George, don’t we have a NORAD station in Alaska somewhere that we can transfer her to?....
George: (shifting to the first butt cheek), I'll get right on it…
Clinton: What about the Parade? … Have we done the re-routing yet?...
James: Of the motorcade?... why would we wanna’ do that? Its tradition.., the route has been like that since….
Clinton: (not looking up from her Treo-PDA)… I don’t want the motorcade passing by the Kentucky Fried Chicken on 6th avenue…
George: because?
Clinton: (blue steel eyes lasering across his dome) because their Goddamn marquee says “Hillary Special: Two large thighs, small breasts and a left wing for $7.99”……
James: Shit! We’ll get right on it…

(Door knocks- NSA agent walks in and whispers to Carville)

James: Great, thank you officer (officer leaves)
George: What did he want?
James: It’s the “Cackle-meter" update, it will be installed this afternoon.
George: (Looking confused)… the what?...
Clinton: The Cackle-meter George, weren’t you in the meeting? Remember when I did all the Sunday talk shows and cackle-laughed my way through the questions for a few hours,… well, Bill thought it would be a good idea to have the NSA build me a Cackle-meter with an LED readout right here on my desk, that way, I can gauge if my laughter is causing pain to dignitaries, or if it goes beyond the 4.2 second threshold…
George: why 4.2 seconds?..
James: We focus-group tested it… we have it dialed in so that the President knows when the laugh becomes annoying or disingenuous.
Clinton: Anything else on the agenda this morning?
George: (looking uncomfortably at James…) Well, speaking of the ex President, Mr. Clinton does not think wearing the house arrest bracelet around his ankle is very presidential….
Clinton: Well, somebody forgot to send Bill the memo that I am the President, not him….besides, I want to know where his Razorback Ass is at all times…

(Door knocks – Bill Clinton walks in)

Bill: Hill! You promised me an office in the first level of the West Wing?... how can I fit my staff in sub-level 4, cubicle 106-b?....
Hillary: It’s the best we could do Honey, besides,… it’s right next to the Kitchen,…. (Winking at Carville)
Bill: (eyes lighting up)…. Really?..... Hoooo Weeeee!

(The rest of the minutes are deleted pursuant to National Security interests and
Freedom of Information Act parameters)

ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL ...

If you’ve read any of my postings relating to socio-political issues, you know what side of the fence (no pun intended) I veer towards in the immigration battle. My family is French, Spaniard, Italian, Puerto Rican and Jewish with the possibility of some African thrown in for good measure … (my apologies to the dead ancestors from Af-crap-istan that I forgot to mention). This nation is composed mostly of immigrants, and the only real Americans are the poor ****ers with Casino Indian Tribes as their claim to fame. Yep, even those funky white boys from around Virginia who are responsible for kicking Britain’s ass during the revolutionary war were, yep, sons or grandchildren of immigrants. Legally or illegally, that’s what they were. Can we all agree on that? (Amen! Goes the crowd!). They humped it over the Behring Straight, Rowed across the north Atlantic pond, came in slave ships, or dropped in from planet Lovetron, … immigrants the lot of them, I tell ya’… Can we all agree on that? A ton of them came “legally”, whatever that word means in the context of that point in history. A ton of them came illegally, or without any significant process pursuant to whatever laws of entry existed. Can we all agree on that? Good, now that I got that boring preamble out of the way,… let me tell you the theme of this post. I used to be for a fence on the border, not just the southern one, but the northern one too, what the hell. But now I feel that...

...A BORDER FENCE WON’T WORK! and the top 5 reasons why I changed my mind about it. (I can do that, right?)

1. The imagery. I know, I'm wussying-out here, but I can't wrap my frontal lobe around the Statue of Liberty saying "Bring me your weak, your hungry and your tired" while at the same time building a massive wall to keep those very mentioned out, regardless of the legal implications. Keep reading please, my twisted logic will make sense in a few paragraphs.

2. Show me a 25 foot high fence, and I'll show you a 26 foot ladder. Trust me on this one. I can jump any fence given enough motivation and desperation to do so. People climbed over the Berlin freaking’ wall in search of liberty, food, freedom etc,… many getting shot, maimed, killed, tortured or imprisoned in the process. Tell me that if you are on one side of the fence, your family is hungry and victim of your Government's corruption or political ethos; that you won’t do whatever it takes to feed your little ones, laws or no laws, borders or no borders. A barrier has never kept a highly motivated human from getting to wherever the hell he wants to go. Don’t believe me?... who the hell did the Great Wall of China ever deter from hoping over?... and that puppy is 1500 miles long, 25 feet, high, 30 feet thick at the bottom and 12 feet thick at the top,… do you think we have to moxy, money or sack to build a monstrosity like that? No, right? So what makes you think that a lesser-sized monolithic fence can work?

3. The money. Sorry to be such as cheap-ass, tight-fisted Libertarian but I'll make a trade for ya'. I'll give you your 2,000 mile fence from Brownsville to San Diego, if you give me back the 4 Aircraft Carrier Groups (that are not needed), lop-off the ¾-ths of the intelligence community bureaucracy (see my intelligence post back in May of 2006), kill all federal and state taxes on gasoline,... forever!, and while you’re at it, let me invest all my FICA deductions into my 401K and investment funds. Ok, now you can have your damned fence.

4. The Feds aren't prosecuting ANYBODY! The raid on the pallet company? Please, that was a joke!. 45 minutes after they arrested 1200 people, 70% of them were back at the Home Depot parking lot playing dominoes and offering their services at a discount. Until the U.S. Government grows a pair and starts to really lay the lumber on employers who do not follow the law it is not going to diminish the volume of illegal’s coming in one iota.

5. The 14th Amendment (THE REAL REASON). Instant Citizenship for persons born on U.S. soil is the real prize here, Sparky. That is the holy grail of achievements for illegals. Think of it. Who in their right moral mind is going to expel an illegal whose children are US citizens? Nobody, period. The politicos can talk all the shit they want, but the day CNN cameras start rolling with children screaming as they board the Aero Mexico buses to the border, it will be like Elian Gonzalez, but in reverse. The World court of opinion (not that I care too much for it, by the way) will crucify us so fast that deportations will stop faster that you can say Britney Spears has issues. The PC crowd, the Church, the left wing, the ACLU, they will go ape! THAT is were the bullet hits the bone. Even Canadians, those monoliths of liberal dogma knocked that law out of the hockey arena when Chinese immigrants were flying in by the tens of thousands just to give birth on Canadian soil. Sorry said the Royal Mounties, no more social programs for non-citizens (what???), Earn your damn citizenship, they said, the statue of Liberty is in New York not in Quebec. (Why did that not make the news?) Until WE knock that obsolete, cleverly-guised and stupidly created Civil War-era law from the Constitution nothing is going to stop the crossings. Not a fence, not the military, not even Paris Hilton and Angelina Jolie posing naked in Tijuana with signs that say "What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico" will put an end to the burrito express.

Memo to the Prez, soon to be the lamest of all Ducks in the proverbial DC pond. Just do numbers 4 and 5 for me and the fence won't be needed. Six to eight million will slowly go home by attrition over 5 years because they would have no reason to stay. No legal work, no citizenship, no public education for their kids, no free hospital care at taxpayer expense. Nothing. The gravy train would have left the station. Persons not here legally will leave on their own, with a measure of dignity, of free-will, ... and maybe, maybe the inertia created by the reverse-flow will create change in the nation that has so deserted their own citizens by using the economic might of the north as their excuse not to change. Maybe that will finally force a few Banana Republics full of juntas and oligarchies to get their shit together or face a real revolution in their own yard.

Yeah, I know... Truth-Pain is insensitive, mean-spirited, an isolationist pig, in-humane, hardened to the human condition, stupid, xenophobic and more dangerous than Attila the Hun. Truth-Pain has no compassion. Tune-in next week,... I got your compassion right here....

Quick,... somebody take away my keyboard before I influence 20 million people....

SUPPORT THIS! ...

(Warning: The following posting may be hazardous to humor-challenged bloggers of all stars and stripes...)

My newly-found friend, Jen (Go see her at the “other bullhorns” blog roll) had a posting on what exactly supporting our troops meant. She got nearly 50 comments from all angles of the political spectrum, each (myself included) trying to express what it means to them and why (to some) the other side is wrong, etc. I’m not gonna’ get into a heavy, deep-analysis diatribe here. Instead, I am just going to give you 5 things I support, and 5 things I don’t. They are not in any particular order of preference. And by the way, my definition of support is simple. As long as it supports the full package, is not too snug around my waist, and comes in all kinds of pretty colors… then I call it “support”.

I SUPPORT…

1. …every soldier that every laced up the combat boots, no matter the war, no matter the political climate, no matter the Monday morning quarterbacking denoting said war. This is not to say that if you committed a war crime or other atrocity you should not get what is coming to you, but independent of that, I support them. No matter how you feel about war, peace, non-foreign intervention (like me), we can all agree that these men and woman all know that there is a real possibility of them dying in the service of their country. How many of us (with the obvious exception of cops, fire fighters etc) can say we live day-to-day knowing we can be put in harms way at any moment? Besides, this man served in the military proudly, honorably and with dignity. The military professional, -in its majority-, is a good and decent person, regardless of the Generals and Politicos who drop him into quagmire scenarios.

2. … the right to kill anybody who is aiming his cannon at my ass. Yes I am a non-foreign interventionist, but that doesn’t mean I am stupid, turn-the-other-cheek-fellow or a pacifist. I promise never to launch an attack on your lawn, but if I see you aim your water sprinkler at my fence, then I am going to go medieval with the super-soaker and lay waste to your damn orchids.

3. ... the right of my Girlfriend to own 135 pairs of shoes, bangles, purses, hair scrunches or nail polish bottles, as long at it does not forcibly interfere with my right to buy 135 pairs of …… anything (see previous post if you don't get it...)

4. … the office of the President of the United States. No, I did not vote for George W. Bush, but he IS my President Goddammit! Any efforts on my part to lessen the constitutionally-mandated powers of that office (emphasis in office) will lessen the effectiveness of any future President that I do happen to vote for. I did not vote for Clinton either, and although that he showed an amazing lack of judgment in some of his public (and private) missteps, he was still MY President Goddammit! (I love saying that word…)

5. … your right to kneel down to any God that happens to win your soul at the moment. I am agnostic, so I don’t kneel down to anything except the whims of my daughter and to tie my shoe-laces. Seriously, you want to pray and believe in the Holy Trinity? or Allah? or Jehovah? Jesus? Mother Teresa? … Great! I could not be happier for you. I happen to believe that some of the teachings of Jesus are universal in their message of good, and his philosophy for loving your fellow man are noble, natural and wonderful. If you are religions then you show faith, …the blind and illogical (to me) belief in something that you cannot tangibly touch or see. You are a better person that I will ever be because I have no faith; I am way too freaking pragmatic and soul-less for that. I know America the beautiful was founded on the tenements of a higher power, and that for the most part; some sort of Judeo-Christian ethos is something many of us rely as the backbone of our strength. Fabulous. But just as I support your right to go to heaven or hell (whichever sounds the most fun), please support my right to (respectfully) not care as to what God or Statue makes you bow down, or quiver in its presence. Religion should be like sex, don’t talk about it, just do it.

I DON’T SUPPORT…

… War, yes war. Who the hell supports the idea of war? Is it sometimes necessary? Hell yes! (Did I just say “hell”?), is it mostly a male hormone-induced social condition?, uh, not only yes, but HELL yes! (Shit, I really sound like a preacher now…), but in the pure definition of its bellicose-root, no. I do not support war. In my Garden of Eden (dammit!) people should sit their assess down, work their difference of territory or otherwise, have a “greater council” of authority agree to the agreement, and then everybody can go to Ted’s Pub and pull back a few cold ones. But then again, I support the ferociousness of the NFL on any given Sunday…… never mind. I support war.... war is good!

… Socialism,… although I am realistic enough to understand that all the entitlements bestowed upon our populace are in some form of socialistic credo; and are -for the most part-, here to stay. That’s why I am a Libertarian; we want life the old-fashion way, to earn it; not to expect anyone to give us anything we did not deserve. We believe in a minimalist shoe-string government to handle the basic common needs of it's people and ensure the peace and prosperity here at home. No dept of Education, Energy, Agriculture, Defense, Health …nothing. We believe in the sweat of our brow, the freedom to live as you wish, getting the government out of our pockets (and bedrooms) and letting the free market rule. Hell, anybody can be a Socialist. You can coast by life, maybe working to earn a living, giving damn near all your earnings to the idiots running the Circus, caring for every bleeding-heart cause, redistributing wealth, only knowing that by age 65 or so the great eye in the sky (Uncle Sam) is going to give you a few hundred bucks a month. Money that (at its height) probably gained a 1.5% interest over the course of your “lock box” allotment. Are you kidding me?... somebody sign me up for that! Cause God knows (shit!) that I prefer that lousy 1.5% over the 12% AVERAGE return on investment I’ve gotten on my own with no help from the the Treasure Dept.

… Theocracies,… foreign or domestic. Any government that does not come from the vestiges of democracy and free-will, but instead gets its marching orders from a figment of Emperor Constantine or Muhammad’s conjuring, is a government to which I won’t pledge allegiance of any sort. You want to see me get psycho? Mention the word “Sharia” or “God’s will” and watch as my fingers start to twitch…… towards the 50 caliber!

… Political Correctness of any kind. This phenomenon (in my opinion) is the single biggest reason why Blacks are pimped, Latinos are patronized to death, we don’t say what we really feel, and there are no more rights or wrongs,… good or bad, black or white,… it is all one huge pile of grey dung-drop where subjectivity is taken to stupid levels of thinking.

…. And I sure don’t support sitting at my desk, for 45 minutes, writing a useless posting when I could be working on that damned PowerPoint presentation I have to do in the morning… (Lord, forgive Truth-Pain, for he knows not what he is doing...)

I finally figured out ...

The Shoe thing ...

Don't click away, you're really at the house of Pain. I know the topic is a little odd, but bear with me,... you may be the beneficiary of my discovery in 5 minutes, (or if a woman, something about yourself....)

My girlfriend is a shoe addict; seriously. She owns at least 8 or 9 dozen... minimum. If it were just an obsessive-compulsive thing like Sarah Jessica Parker in "Sex in the City" then I would casually blow it off amongst the many things men don't get about woman. But this is not just something to blow off so flippantly.

You see, what I have discovered by watching her day-to-day ritual of footwear is that for a woman, the shoe can be a road map to how the gal is feeling that particular day or (if you're my Girlfriend), moment. If she is wearing the $300 Coach open-toe Sahara pumps,... I know she is feeling sexy, yet demure. The flats?... either tired, lazy or not too frisky. The wood-heeled pumps? (like the pic) she is ready to kick ass and take names at work. The black mid ankle strappy stilettos with the bronze brooch?... those ones say "Don't even think about sleeping tonight....". Yes, identifying her moods based on her choice of shoe has been a fun to do as of late...

For the longest time I did not get it. I mean, don't get me wrong,... a woman with a well-appointed pump gives her calves a flare that unmistakeably gives her a regal gait. Add to that a perfect one-foot-in-front-of-the-other walk and most men will be slurping back their drool. I dig it. Shoes are sexy, no matter if you have a foot fetish or not. A shoe can make or kill an outfit,.. not to mention a mood. But why the obsession with the sheer numbers?... See it has to do with variety, yes variety... as in the one thing most surveys say we need to keep us interested. Woman know we are creatures of habit, that if left to our devices and genetically-written code we would be filling every orifice that moves. So because of that, woman (since they can't just osmose into a kaleidoscope of different woman just to amuse us) keep us interested by changing skins...... ie. shoes, clothing, accessories..... But, you ask, this does not answer the question of the post, ... why the extraordinary passion for shoes?

Chick Psychology 101. Get the popcorn ready. A shoe transcends her "bad days". You just can't go and buy a pair of jeans or a dress when you are depressed. Woman change,... woman are cursed and blessed with the purloined hormonal ebb and tide.... Some days they feel thin..., some days,... they do not.... , so clothes don't cut it when it comes to the mental panacea. Clothes don't kneel to their moody whims like a shoe can. See, the foot may grow or decrease a few microns from day to day,... but not enough to not permit her to wear any damn one she pleases. Even on her "bad" days, .... or terrible "hair" days,... the perfect shoe from the closet can save the moment. The right shoe can lift her from the doldrums of split ends and water retention to instantly feeling as if there is a red-carpet from the exit of her home into the 2002 Toyota Corolla. The shoe, is -for all intents and purposes- ... magic. That's not to say that there are woman that simply love them for the fashion statement. I am sure there are many reasons as to why they punish themselves by shoe-horning themselves into leather-based triangles of torture.... Hey, I said you were going to learn something, I did not guarantee if would make any damn sense whatsoever.

In a way, I am a lucky man. My woman does not ever take her bad days out on me. Nope. A bad day at the office if followed by a trip to the friendly pedicurist, where for 30 bucks or so they make her perfect size-7 feet look the part for an Alberto Vargas pin-up poster. Another $400 for a pair of Jimmy Cho's and she is ready to take on the planet,... or the next primary debates,...whichever is most daunting...

..... I have got to do this more often, ..... who needs politics?....