WHAT WAS I THINKING? ...

Isn't revisionist history great? Especially when applied to one's self? My mind has been musing lately on all the things I've said, done, prognosticated, hoped-for or just plain gotten wrong going back to my "Yute". Here's a sampling:

* When I was a kid (mid-60's) the year 2000 seemed like a Star Date right out of Sci-Fi. I was dead certain we would all have flying cars like the Jetson's, our watches would have little monitors (like Dick Tracy) and I would have a lot more hair. None of them came true.

* I prognosticated that Rudy and Huckabee would be the wining ticket for the GOP. I may have batted .1000 here if Rudy had not run the worst campaign since McGovern in 1972. Mike Huck may still join McCain, but I still won't vote for him. I'm staying home in November.

* I also said Hillary was going have the primary wrapped-up by January 2008,... life does have a giant sucking sound, doesn't it Rodham? (Quote by Perot so I am still plagiarism-free)

* I said Arnold was going to clean Gray Davis' clock in the California Governor's race (I was right). Then I got stupid and said he was going to ride his Hollywood bully pulpit down the Democratic Legislative body and make California a truly centrist GOP state. I forgot to count the Maria Shriver factor. Arnold is a R.I.N.O (on steroids at that). That's "Republican In Name Only" for those of you politico-lingo challenged.

* I swore our troops were going to be met with flowers and fanfare in downtown Baghdad when they first went in. They were. I just figured it would last more than 15 minutes. It did not. I also predicted Playboy would have a "Woman of the Sunni Triangle" edition immediately thereafter. I'm still waiting on that...

* I thought the Minuteman movement down at the border would be a seminal moment in the history of border politics and that it would start a much-needed reversal of policy. It didn't.

* In feeling sorry for white America, I lobbied for a "White History month" to be taught in our schools; you know, just like black and latino history months are?.... Not that I am white by any measure but I just though the Caucasians where taking it in the ass with not having one. It went over like a wet fart after bad nachos at Taco Bell.

* Having failed at the above, I lobbied for 2 token white guys to be part of every NBA team. Sort of like a affirmative action for white boys, ya' know? Amazingly they scoffed at my idea due to something called "competition"....? the horror! What was I thinking.

* I though Ray Nagin would be toast after his "New Orleans will always be a chocolate city" comment. I failed to take into consideration the everlasting patience, stupidity and spineless disposition of some (most?) voters.

* I tried to pimp the principled disposition of my party, the Libertarian party that is (www.lp.org), and both Democrats and Republicans laughed at my sorry ass. I have one more post coming on that one.

* I glowingly said that "In our Hands" by Charles Murray was the coolest, most though-provoking book I had read the whole year,... and got lambasted for supporting eugenics. Do you see a pattern here?...

So what the hell; here a sampling of my bold predictions for the rest of 2008.

* Barack is taking the White House, but not by the landslide the talking heads are yapping about. McCain is going to surprise some people with his strength in the south and (trumpets please) that he loses California by only 2 points. And no, he is really not picking the Huckster as his VP. It's Lieberman baby.

* Speaking of Barack, twenty minutes after he sits his boney ass in JFK's old chair (shouldn't they retire that freakin' thing?) Russia, China, Iran, Bosnia, Venezuela, and a half dozen other countries will begin planning how to test the new American President. The first 100 days will be ugggglyyyyyy.

* Thirty minutes after his boney ass is still plastered to the cracked leather, the House will bring forth a resolution to impeach Bush, Cheney, God, Condoleeza, Ralph Nader and any other person or entities who pissed of the party of the Donkey in the last 8 years.

* Fifty minutes after his boney............. Mitt Romney will move to Iowa to begin campaigning for 2012. John Edwards will be 2 doors down the hall.

* Not wanting to go through the impaling process again, Hillary will back-stab Harry Reid at the first opportunity and try to run the Senate for the next 20 years. Yes, she will win the leadership role and probably be King-maker for the next 4 democratic primaries.

* Speaking of Hillary, having no use for Bill, she will finally dump his useless butt and have Ellen Degeneres move into her digs. Ellen will be quoted as saying "Shame on you Bill!".

* Your think McCain is a pugnacious, hot-tempered little shit now? Wait till he loses the election. His arms will retract another 6 inches, the comb over will look like David Gergen's, and his wife Cindy will divorce his ass too...., just in case he really did boink that lobbyist.

* The U.S. will really put the hammer down in the Summer Olympics and kick serious booty in most of the events. The success of the Americans will further piss the world off, and the crowds will chant "Ste.......roids!" during each medal presentation. Barry Bonds will not be allowed into the country. His larger-than-Godzilla head will be deemed a "clear and present danger" to the communist government.

* As to me? I will still be making inroads to the local political apparatus, I will still be going to the cave quite often, and my Blog postings will still get a Blog readability test of "Elementary School". (I swear that made me laugh my ass off...)

Coda

LIBERAL REARING 101 - (Part of my fair and balanced forum)

After a posting like my last one (and no reported suicides), I NEED levity going into President's Day weekend.

(Editor's note: Are you humor impaired, satire-phobic or sarcasm-challenged?... just skip this and have a jolly good day)

A few months ago, I was having lunch and discussing the merits of good parenting with a former co-worker; he of serious liberal / progressive dispositions. After much bellowing as to how his kids "better not ever THINK of voting Republican as long they are under my roof" (or words to that effect), I went back to my corner office with a view of nearby U.S. Highway 101, and a jovial yet evil smile formed in my otherwise handsome facade.
(soft music intro in the background)....

I can imagine one of the conversations between said Father and his 14-year old Son, to go something like this:
....
Son: "Dad, why are you a liberal?"
Dad: "Why?.... It's in my blood Son! and in your blood,... and the blood of any self-respecting and enlightened American to be of left-wing persuasion. I am a liberal because of the legacy of FDR and because I believe the State has a duty and responsibility to care for the needs of its citizens, no matter how trivial or large. Everything,... schooling, health, medicine,.. the whole Magilla. We get taxed up the butt, so Government should care for our butts after taxing us as well. To think any other way is to be a selfish capitalist who only believes in his own good, and not in the good of the collective..."
Son: "So.... is that the best system we have? or is that that best system YOU chose to vote for?"
Dad: "It's not a "system" Sparky! its a way of life (grinnin' ear to ear). To live a liberal life it to care for those less fortunate than you, to open your arms to the weak, sick and hungry, to give freely so that those more needy than you can have a better Day. To be a liberal is to take from those who have, and give it to those who don't. A kinder, gentler way of socialism..." (futher smug grinnin')
Son: "Ok,...I guess I don't know why you rolled up the car window so fast when that homeless guy came up to us at the stop light..... but anyways, is being a liberal a better choice then?"
Dad: (clearing the throat... ) Well, about the homeless guy,... I did not want to endanger you or your Mom, Son. You never know who is passing as oppressed nowadays,... besides, the guy behind me was rolling down HIS window so I knew that Bum, er I mean homeless soul was getting something.... (laughs uncomfortably) ....... but let me explain this to ya'; Choice is the pre-eminent word in our beliefs. We are the better choice of culture, we are pro-choice for keeping a woman's right to choose, we are a better choice to give the poor and dis-enfranchised a better choice for gettin' back on their feet, ... yes Son, its about choices"
Son: " So... , if I chose to say vote Green, or libertarian, .... or Republican, especially after hearing your pimpin' of the liberal way, you would say that would be ok, since it was my choice, right Dad?,... and speaking of choices, does the unborn fetus get a choice to live or die in the opinion of Roe V Wade or is this a selective type of choice?"....
Dad: (chuckles in a condescending way...) "well, lets not get ahead of ourselves kiddo, you've a long way to go before you are of age to vote and intelligent enough to make such a choice on voting, for that matter. As to Roe V. Wade, well that is a very complicated issue there...., the fetus is just a bunch of molecules and cells held together in the amniotic sack,... it is not a "person", its a, er,... a soon-to-be-human, you know?, and as such is not protected by the laws of the land.., and who taught you about abortions anyway......?"
Son: "But Dad, if choice is so important, why did you get upset a few years ago when National Public Radio was considering adding conservative-based programming?... after all, most of their programs are pretty liberal, no?"...
Dad: (shift uncomfortably in the lazy-boy...) "That was a blatant attempt by that pin-headed G.O.P.-installed FCC Commissioner to interfere with an independent publicly-financed institution. Public Radio is fine the way it is, why the hell should they be another FoxNews conglomerate or Clear Channel dangit! NPR is as fair and balanced a media as we have in this County! "...
Son: "Ok, what about your Union dues Dad? I don't see those going to support anybody but liberal candidates... what if I were in a Union and wanted the CHOICE to give my dues to somebody else. Can't I have a say in that?"
Dad: "Thats different Son, (shifting to the left butt-cheek) You have to trust that ol' Hoffa Jr. knows what is best for us. God knows that man has seen his share of travails and hardships. He is fighting for you, for me, for our American Manufacturing, he is......."
Son: "... but Dad, you just bought a Korean made Toyota Scion..."
Dad: "Again, a choice Son. I though saving the planet and the environment by getting a better fuel-efficient car was the price to pay for my beliefs. Besides, its built in Ohio, and we need to keep those Buckeye Union members employed, don't we Sparky?"
Son: "Hmmm well the Chevy Aveo has better mileage than your Toyota, its built here and most of its parts are US-made,...but what about Education, Pops?... what if say you decided that the Teacher's Union here in Coulterhateville was doing a crappy job at hiring the best teachers at our district? and that the school could not fire the worst ones, you now?, -like most companies can fire someone who does not produce the expected results would?-,... what if say, Charter schools, home-schooling and vouchers were presented as choices to all Americans so WE could decide what is best for our needs,... would that not be good?"
Dad: (developing a zit at the tip of the nose...) "Look Boy, there is NOTHING wrong with Teacher's Unions; nothing at all! They can handle their own, believe me. The ONLY way to have a one-America, a consistent education for all kids -legal AND undocumented-, a better way to prepare the youths for the challenges of a global economy is for all of us to pool our resources under one banner and make the U.S. Education system the best in the planet; and that is something that without Unions we could never do. Do you honestly believe we can leave the choice of education to un-educated parents? to Christians and other right-wing Bible thumpers?, to care-takers of special-need kids?, ... to Republicans? God forbid, to Libertarians?......, C'mon Son, who is putting all these moon-baty ideas in your head?, Have you been listening to Glen Beck again?..."
Son: "No one Dad,..... (thinking...),... well, to be honest, I think I'm getting them from you, Pops...."
Dad: (bouncing from the lazy-boy and kneeling next to Sparky) "From me? (horror look on face), how did that happen? I thought you were my little liberal-in-training?... what did I do wrong?..."
Son: ... "Dad, nothing... you did nothing wrong. But did you not tell me to think for myself? I though you said I should never follow the herd and make my own way in life no matter what I was up against!.... isn't choice universal Dad? Why should freedom of choice be for abortions but not for education?, or health coverage?, or even Government policy? I think that by listening to both sides of any issue gives me the best opportunity for making the best choices for me, don't you think? Did you not say critical thinking is..... well, critical?"
Dad: "Of course I do,... well uh, to a certain extent, as long as it doesn't interfere with the code of Liberalism, Son. But as a Father I have a moral duty to guide you to that which best represents what I view in life as right, as righteous, as sensible for all,... but especially for you, for you!... , don't you see that the needs of the many sometimes outweighs the needs of the few?.... or the one?"
Son: "Dad, I heard that line from Spock in Star Trek V or something, but anyways,... look, I'm sorry you are upset. I will try to get a better understanding of your perspective. I know you love me and all you want to do is guide me to the right path. Don't think I see your thoughts as dichotomous, .... I know there isn't a hypocritical bone in your body........ I love you Dad! (beaming with pride)...
Dad: "Thanks son, I love you too (misty eyed), .... and I appreciate the vote of confidence in me. Dichotomous,... wow!, nice use of the word, Kiddo! where'd you pick that up?"
Son: (sheepishly) "er.... the Rush Limbaugh Newsletter........"
(fade to black,... as Dad twitches on the hardwood floor.....)

REQUIEM FOR A LAND ONCE CALLED CALIFORNIA...

In 2058, after nearly half century of demographic shifts in its population and burdened by the steady exiting of most manufacturing and technical industries to easterly neighbor states, Canada and Asia, the state of California -after a decade of political and Supreme Court decisions supporting it-, seceded from the Union and declared itself the Republica de California Norte (As opposed to Baja).

The results of this action were apocalyptic in its effects and unforeseen by the remaining vestiges of the once-magnificent American population. Mexico, having annexed Guatemala to the south just 4 years before, instantly declared bi-lateral talks with the new Government and a free-immigration zone was quickly declared along the Mexican-California border. A makeshift border fence constructed by the Army Corp of Engineers in 2031 was demolished over 16 months and the existing border was declared void by the new Republic and its neighbor to the south. Most major cities in the state, -now shadows of their former selves due to urban decay and rampant corruption-, became bastions of anarchy like the wild-west times of bygone eras. The agricultural middle valleys were quickly nationalized, as were Federal lands and antiquities, natural oil and gas reserves and whatever was left of Government fixed asset surpluses. Cities such as Los Angeles, Sacramento and San Francisco, mirroring images from Hollywood post-apocalyptic films, were ripe with looting of such magnitude that the States of Arizona, Nevada and Oregon were forced to open refugee camps by the thousands to comfort Californians fleeing the Golden State. Border skirmishes at Oregon and Nevada quickly erupted by ex patriots trying to salvage the remaining union of western states against further aggression. The Governments of Venezuela, Cuba and Uruguay purchased large swaths of land of what once was Orange County and Santa Barbara and immediately commenced nationalizing the off-shore oil fields long laid dormant by the zealous environment movements of the time.

The falling of the former 6th largest economy in the world started a domino effect of a magnitude never imagined by the founding Fathers of a once-great Country. Florida, Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi immediately coalesced into the United Gulf States and recalled its entire congressional body in the spring of 2059, thus starting the disintegration of the US system of government as it was known. Middle America, -or what was left of the original union- became a loose confederacy of states inter-depended on each other for trade but the large Federal might of the economy and military power faded rapidly.

Signifying a never-before seen socio-religious movement, Michigan, Illinois and Ohio had grown to be 26% Muslim with torrents of illegal Arab immigrant coming through the Canadian border by the tens of thousands each month. Within 6 years from California's secession, Sharia law was declared in all but one of the great lake States. The last President of the Union, -the honorable Mathew Schwarzenegger-, ended the final body of Congress -and the dissolving of the Union on July 04 of 2076-, with these words:

"Had we known the effects of such things, had my father not listened to my mother Maria in terms of the burgeoning immigration crisis of 2011, has we been disciplined in our stewardship of the Republic and not kneeled to diversity for diversity's sake, had we tempered our naive road towards tolerance in blind worship of political correctness, our nation would still be one, and still be great. Three hundred years old we would have been today..... what happened? Oh God what have we done..."

And then we all awoke,... happy to have been dreaming, happy that it was but a nightmare.

The destruction of America, of the idea of being an American and of the American dream will not come through attrition, through foreign invasion, or even by political shifts. It will only come via the minute by minute, hour by hour and the day by day effects of us forgetting how good we have it, how much blood and capital was paid to get here, what the nation was originally intended to represent and ultimately by the failure to remind our children that this idea of Lady America is as fragile as it is unique.

You think this can't happen? I humbly say to you that we all better wake the fuck up, find out where we left our collective balls (or ovaries) at, and take a stand, take a fucking stand no matter the political consequence, ridicule, blow back and pain. I'm going to be long dead before this shit happens, but my kid, my darling little girl is going to inherit my inactions, my blasse attitude of change, my apathy and my assumptions that "somehow" we will prevail, that somehow we will be ok.

You hear me?.... anybody?...

Early thoughts on the political season ...

Ahhh, ... my first post of the year of our Lord 2008; and you guys thought I was gone for good....

Mathew Dowd had a very interesting piece that caught my eye at www.realclearpolitics.com and made jot down some thoughts. Can you imagine Hillary Clinton not winning the primary popular votes, and horse-collaring the super delegates to vote for her to get the nomination? I want to see her explain why Florida/2000 was stealing votes and that "every vote" counts, except when it comes to the nominee of a political party. It would be suicide and gumption of the highest order. But what the hell; most of the populace is enamored with the idea of having Monica Lewinski's ex boyfriend's wife for president so who am I to argue?

Speaking of the primaries, I hope Barrack takes not just the nomination but the general election. Hear me out on this. The pro's of having McCain as president? Maybe coninuity of the war effort to a successful conclusion (whatever you define that to be), experience in Goverment (is that a pro or a con?), and keeping the left wing out of the white house. The cons? It gives the Republicans and independent conservatives like yours trully no "urgency" to look for the next great visionary. You think McCain is going to cede the White House after just for years to a VP-in waiting? That pugnacious, hot-tempered, Hanoi-Hilton Yoda is a lot of things but gracious he is not. He feels he is owed, and he will love nothing more than to have his brand of Republicanism be the event that changes the party forever. Having said that, here' my take on having Barrack as Prez. Presidencies are more about symbolism than substance. As much as MLK's words of judging a man by the content of his character and not the color of his skin is ideal, it just does not ring true in the real world. Having a Black man (ok, ok... so he's half black) take the oath of office would turn one big, wet and ugly page of our history and have a seismic shift in what kids of color think can achieved. The Caucasian males have had 240 years of being in charge. Let the country be headed by a man who mimics what the world is turning into... an osmosis of cultures and races. Can he fuck up the nation in 4 or 8 years? I don't think so. We had Nixon, Carter, Jackson, Harding..... Bush..., if none of those boneheads could cause a tectonic shift that was permanent and undo-able in the fabric of mother America then I doubt having Barrack sitting his skinny ass in the White House will either. I'm serious. Maybe this will be a good thing in the long run. Besides, think of how much fun talk radio and the cable taking heads will have! I personally can't wait to see Rush with an oxygen mask on his ditto-cam the first time Barrack the purple flag in the south lawn.... classic. In all seriousness, the conservative movement (in is classic definition) needs to have its collective ass kicked and new standard-bearers will have to be found. Not in the hallways of Capital Hill, but in the streets of regular small town or big town America. Where are the next great libertarian and fiscal conservative minds going to come from? Where will we find the next legion of leader who have the cojones to tackle the pain of the baby-boom retirees coming home to roost? C'mon people. Let's take one in the shorts and vote the fella' in. Congress will still be grid-locked so nothing will really change, except for the possible exceptions that symbolically the nation can puts its foot on the neck of its marginal racist past.... forever.

If I may put my sarcasm and tongue-in-cheek aside for a moment (as painful as that is....), I work in a pretty left-leaning organization that provides affordable housing in the lower bay area region of California. I find it mildly amusing (but more irritating lately) that they celebrate the term "Diversity"...., as in diversity of race, sexual preference and race whenever possible,... just no diversity in opinion. How conveniently selective. There are few Republicans here, and when one shows his or her political flag the collective left recoils and hisses like snakes crossing paths with a Mongoose ("...oh my God, there is a republican working here? amongst us?..."). I feel sorry for the non-left workers here. They work just as hard, care just as much, show their devotion to duty and mission with the same focus, albeit with different prims of opinion,... yet they have to live in the closet. How funny is that?.... the act of living shamefully underground and in "the closet" of life has passed from being a Gay issue to a political opinion issue. That's why I love being the independent libertarian that I am. Because I can see the sins and glory of both sides of the isle, .... and pucker with glee when I can lob a well-placed opinion grenade when needed. I'm pro-choice. The difference with me and everybody else on the left is that I am pro-choice..... for EVERYTHING, not just a woman's right to do the Hoover maneuver inside the womb. Choice is good. Competition is good. Diversity is good..... when it is elective and not selective.

Ok, back to my cave....