Political Party Coolness 101

.... or how the GOP can re-invent itself with the coolness factor.

The GOP has simply run out of cool. I don't think the GOP has had anything cool since,.... well since,..... hang on it will come to me,...

Seriously, think of it for a sec. The Democrats have the cool factor down pat. They have Hollywood pimpin' them, they have musicians jumping aboard, the seem to be light years ahead in the integrating the internet and TV to massage their message, and finally, having Eddie Murphy plan "Donkey" on Shrek just put the Elephant 6 feet under for good. Pachyderms no longer rule. They have the cool issues, they have the young cool mouth pieces, they have the cool love of the world, .... its cool to be a Democrat. I don't see too many Dubya 2004 bumper stickers anymore.....What to do? Well, the Pain-Man knows compassion and the Elephant Party is in dire need of an extreme makeover. Why am I doing this? Hey,... as an ex Republican myself I have a soft spot for my ex party brethren. Besides, at heart I am a true conservative in the mode of Thomas Jefferson (Yeah.... the founder of the Republican Democratic party back in the day of Washington). The original member of the modern-day Democrats was a true revolutionary small-government Libertarian. They just did not call themselves that. Pity. But I digress. So here are my TOP FIVE things the GOP can do to increase their coolness factor and start gathering votes from the next generation of voters.

1. GET RID OF THE OLD FARTS. Sorry, I know its rude and even mean, but it has to happen. Look at the stable of candidates you guys have rolled out since 1976. Ford vs Carter? (Ford looked like Frankenstein without the neck bolts. Carter even had hair over his ears! Very cool. The aberration was Reagan and Bush 41 (Carter just imploded with the hostage crisis thing). Although older than Carter, in 1980 Reagan just looked cool! And in 1988 Bush 41 had "Potatoe" Quayle to offset Dukakis' size 56 melon so he barely made it. But after that? Disaster! Bush and Quayle had no chance against Clinton and Gore in 1992. They looked cool together. Again in 1996 the GOP pulled out the oldest of war horses, Bob Dole as a sacrifice lamb. Skip the next two Bush 43 wins and what does the GOP do? Again they drop the oldest of war horses in McCain. C'mon! No matter what you think of Obama, the guy is out there playing basketball with the NC Tar Heels! That is cool! Seriously people, take a cue from Democrats. They are brutal with any ex candidates. You think they gave Dukakis, Ferraro, Kerry or Gore a second chance? Nope. They went to the ash-heap of democratic donkey-dung pile. Bring on the fresh meat.

2. GOP. Let's see, it stands for "Grand Old Party".... emphasis on old..... Nix it. Call yourselves the GYP (Grand Young Party), or NRP (New Republican Party) or BMJP (Bad Mamma Jamma Party).... anything but old! You want to connect with the next youth generations you have to market yourself much better than the word "OLD" and a freaking elephant. How about the Snake as a mascot? You know like the "Don't tread on me" Snake used in the flags of the original 13 colonies. That appeals to the bad-ass mentality of most men and it will have had a bonding thing with most woman (you know,... the garden of Eden's Snake with the apple thing....)

3. Streamline your platform so that, a) most people know what you stand for and b) put some things in there than the youth and generation X'ers can relate to. No, I am not saying pander to a specific group, I mean massage the message in a way that makes it compelling to everybody, not just middle-age, white, Christian, conservative voters. There is a nobility and coolness about "conservatism" that transcends age. Show it to them! Show the masses that being progressive is not exactly what the work implies! Look, if you ask anybody in the street what the GOP stands for they may say... "uh they're for the rich, they hate blacks and Latinos, they appoint Nazi-era judges, are against woman's rights and want to shove God down our throats"..... do you want the media to continue to propel this bullshit? Hell, I don't even know what the GOP stands for anymore. Small government, no nation building?... less spending? paying down the debt? ... Speak up in a language what we can ALL understand. Find a messenger, a good one, not just a bunch of politicians who are after their own asses...., find a voice, an image, a standard bearer that is not politically vested and can transcend political cycles!

4. Don't settle for mediocrity. Bush?... regardless of what you think about the man, do you believe he was the best and the brightest we had in 2000 amongst 290 million citizens? Seriously people, this is not just you but all of us settle for shitty quality simply because the only ones who run are the ones who have either name recognition or more money than Trump to GET name recognition. Where are the citizen-politicians envisioned by John Adams? where are the people that don't want to make it a career out of sitting their acne-laden asses on the Capital Rotunda? Scour the land and find them. Find the next generation of people that believe in the original intents of conservatism, find the voices who can project the good of the cause, find the examples of people that went from welfare to self-care because they found the winning formula of self reliance and hard work. Find cool examples of conservatism in everyday life. They are out there you know...

5. Lastly, don't let the Democrats hijack the cool issues, please! Teddy Roosevelt started the Antiquities movement and (to some of my own disagreement) reserved huge areas of the nation to be conserved in perpetuity for generations to come. The environmental movement is about "conserving" the planet and the nature of things. How the f**k did you guys let the Democrats hijack your issue? you could have owned it forever? Freedom of choice? the only choice the Democrats espouse is choice to abort, that is it! Freedom of choice should extend to schooling, health care and retirement plans! How did you guys let them hijack the word freedom to the point that people really thing the Democratic party is the party of Liberty?....

This party of Lincoln, Teddy and Reagan needs a makeover folks. And the fellas and gals running the show are not going to be the ones to do it. We are in a renewal era of politics and communications where mediums of expression are born everyday. The media no longer controls all the venues of messaging. We have our own. Put a bullet to the Elephant and let him pass on. He is done, tired and symbolically dead. Wake up GOP,..... wake up!

P.S. That's the very cool-looking Republican Governor of Alaska, Sara Palin, by the way.....

What if illegal aliens looked like her?....

Race. The word has taken a high visibility exam in the past year, has it not? It always has been this "under the radar" thing. We felt it, thought about it, pondered about the changes needed to be made, yet it remained -for better or worse-, in the closet of discussion until Mr. Obama did his race speech and it was "release the hounds" time; everybody jumped in after the elusive fox. All the networks including the major cable channels were trampling over themselves to put hour-long specials on the air. NBC did an interesting piece called "Finding David Wilson" where a black "David Wilson" traced his roots all the way to a white "David Wilson" plantation in the modern day south. Touching. All the talking heads put race front and center in their "talking points" and before you knew it race was in the middle of what is considered a seminal moment in American politics. I've never seen the populace so willingly delving into this self-flogging moment. My October 27th posting called "Its the wiring, stupid" made even more sense to me as I watched with mild amusement and fascination the nation having a full pledge discourse on the topic. Then I made the mistake of getting on a mental tangent that took me to race as it applies to the immigration discussion (still) being held in this political cycle...., and one thought laid into the other like moss on a redwood's north side...

I started to ponder things and began looking at socio-politics as the related to borders in other parts of the world. to correctly gauge comparisons and have apples to apples examples, one must look at places where 1st world countries (like us) have a 3rd world country at its border (like Mexico). What if our southern neighbor countries were all of "white" European descent and culture?, and were mostly Caucasian?.... What if Europe itself was there and not Mexico. What if say, Denmark, Finland and Belgium were right across the Rio Grande instead of Tijuana, Sonora and Rosarito? Think of the possibilities and ramifications as it applies to today's socio-politics. Is it really the idea of illegal immigration that most of America is harping about? or is it the type, culture or racial mix of illegal aliens to which we particularly disapprove? Would the cross-border problems of health, drugs and language be as blatant? or would they be more palatable? If a bunch of "Inga Bjornson's" and "Sven Ikea's" were coming across dropping blue-eyed and blond anchor babies, would we we as intolerant? What if Great Britain was across the border and since they all spoke English there would be no issue of bi-lingual schooling needed; would that change our opinion? I have to confess that I paused at the idea and wondered if I would have the same visceral reaction to a culture that mimics my own coming across, rather than the implied "invasion" of illegals that some portray due to the fact that they are all brown, don't speak the language and (for the most part) come to gain the economic advantage instead of integrating themselves into the bastion of Americana...

Remember when the wall came down in Berlin?.... After the initial euphoria and celebration of reunification, what happened? Was there not a massive backlash from the West Berliners against their eastern brothers and sisters? Were they not treated like dog meat in spite of being of the same race, culture and language? Did they not piss on them due to the perceived "lower class" status and the massive hit to social programs? .... sound familiar? What about when the iron curtain fell and a myriad of Soviet satellite countries found themselves fending for themselves? did they reach out and touch someone? of did they circle the wagons to those of similar design and ejected anybody else that looked or spoke differently? When Israel became a country back in the 40's, did the displaced Palestinian territory emigrants feel welcomed in warm Arabic fashion in the bosom of Jordan, Syria, Lebanon and Egypt? or were they put in refugee camps hoping to dump their "Arab brethren" into somebody else's lap?....

Maybe I just answered my own question.... maybe I would still feel the same way about social services being stretched to breaking points and schools busting at the seams to handle the cultural cauldron. Maybe. But I have to admit, if I saw her swimming across the Rio Grande wanting to "come to America"..... don't think I would not toss her a life ring, shower her with confetti, Chocolate bom-boms, a night at the holiday inn express and a tour of Disneyland; ... oh yeah, and putting lotion on what has to be terrible sunburn in those silky-skinned shoulders of hers...

Ok, were'd that rant come from?.... my estrogen levels must be wavering ...

Bring on the Summer! ...

Feb 27? Has it been that long?... Well, I have been busy ya' know...., the real estate swamp that has hammered the country finally caught up to my company. The cutbacks were brutal and many fine people lost their jobs. I thought I was a goner for sure. Being a Quasi-Libertarian in a sea of Utopian semi-socialists can leave you about as comfy as a puppy next to Michael Vick. But I'm good.

The living situation is another animal. I am really dying to get the hell out of the left coast. Mostly to be closer to the little one in Pennsylvania, but also to live in small-town America and become a "fly-over country" citizen. I'm looking at Tennessee, Kentucky, Alabama and Florida currently. My goal is to move somewhere there in about 18 months (I can hear Robert going "Oh sweet Jesus....not in my state...").

To be honest I hate my cave-dwelling sabbatical, seriously. I just impale myself in books, research and other life minutia that by the time I come up for air 2 months have gone by.... I ask the forgiveness of my bloggerland brethren. I deserve to be flogged....

So what is new in the past two months?.... like we don't know... politics! I will be getting deep into this for the next few postings, but here's a sampling of my thoughts,...

1. McCain? If he pulls this out of his ass, er ... hat, it would not surprise me. Don't underestimate the power of the voter in the solace of the voting booth going "... Obama?.... what? oh hell no......". I'm not saying its going to be racially motivated (it will have some effect), but i just don't think America has the stones to put his relatively green, young, and liberal butt in the oval office; no matter how cool he looks in relation to McCain. But I have been wrong often as my last post so condescendingly noticed...
2. Obama? Part of me is dying to see him win...., think of the blog material for the next eight years! But then my brain kicks in again and I just stare at the wall in amazement that I can even consider the thought...
3. Hillary? I'll give her credit for making my news-watching nights more fun. That she went from the inevitable candidate to an underdog in 3 months, is proof that I am an idiot for not believing in God. He's gotta' be up there smoking a fat one going "I got to screw-up these elections more often..."
4. Super Delegates? Its funny that the "Democratic" party has such an undemocratic way of crowning their candidate. But then again, their party has changed, no? Their wonderful founder (Tommy Jefferson) was a real Revolutionary who battled to have the smallest Government footprint on society. Imagine,... a democrat who believes in small government. But I digress. The Super Delegates are gonna' stick their wet finger in the air around the end of May and try to run for the bandwagon,... only that wagon may already be a few miles down the road with no room for front-runners any more.
5. Speaking of God. Many of my postings have espoused my agnostic tendencies. No more. I swear I am not kidding. I realized that having faith is the greatest leap possible. It transcends logic and all that is sensible. There is something romantic, tragic, hypnotic and eternally blissful in believing in something for which you have no proof of its reality,... but your faith. A year ago, if I would have written that, I would have laughed. I am really looking forward to finding out where my new-found acquiescence leads me ...

Ok, but enough about me, I am heading over to the neighbors house to see what everybody has been writing about....