FOR SALE: 1 vote

Ok. I'm done. Done with Bush, Durbin, Cheney, Schumer, Rice, Hagel, Byrd, Pelosi, Rumsfeld, Clinton, Kerry, Reid, the "other" Clinton, and any form, fashion or mode of politics blah, blah, blah,... done.
I am taking a self-imposed moratorium on political-themed postings for 2 months (God, the withdrawals, I feel the shakes already...) Anybody with enough gluttony to have read any of my postings or comments on other blogs has seen my patience virtually vanish overnight. I'm tired of sucking on the probervial dangling vinegar-piss, spigot-crotch. Done. Instead I will engage in my favorite non-political topics. I've had a million of such puppies brewing in my noggin' for weeks and although they are less important and meaningful than the political topics of the day, they will make me happier than the present crap ever will (no offense to my blogging brethren out there). I'll leave the mortar rounds, opinion-retort mental tennis, and political rantings to persons better able to perform the dance than I am.
But let me leave the political vortex with this. My vote is for sale. Yes Sir; step right up and place your little banner on my virtual lawn. The candidate who gets my vote just has to reply to these 10 questions. They are in no particular order of preference other than the way they oozed out of my frontal lobe. That is my price. The best answers gets my vote. Pure and simple. Democrat, Republican, Green, Libertarian, Communist, Socialist, Anarchist... Release the hounds.

1. Define me the military for the next 50 years. I want to know what you are going to cut, where troops will be stationed world-wide (and in what numbers), what obsolete weapons systems you are going to nix, what bases you are going to close, what overlaping Intelligence Community largesse you are willing to slice and dice, what is the benchmark for foreign deployment, and lastly what is the "evolution" (not exit) strategy for our role in Iraq and Af-crap-astan. I want to know what the goals are in 6-month increments, the time-benchmarks for them to self-defend and what will be the organization of our de-facto permanent presence there. (yes, I do realize we are not going anywhere,... I've seen that Manhattan-sized embassy my taxes are building near the Euphrates...)

2. Define the role of Government in the following: Education, Health Care, Energy development and Research and Welfare. Just those 4. I want detailed and long-term view and implementation of policy on each. Not some Clintonian or Reagan-esque utopian speech that gives plenty of visual dream candy but no substantive pragmatism on how you are going to get it done.

3. Name me ONE cabinet-level layer of government you are going to dis-band. Tell me why you are going to do it and why its demise is good policy. I really don't care which one it is. And yes, this is my Libertarian cheap-ass asking you to throw me a bone.

4. Define for me what is your view on Capitalism and Socialism. Since the American society is obviously shaping to be a morphing of some of the vestiges of each of these unique and opposing mantras I want to hear you tell me how the next 50 years are going to shape this tentative union. How Socialist are we going to become? Like northern snow-country Europe? Canada? Venezuela? France? England?... a combination thereof?

5. How are you going to redesign Social Security and Medicare? These are the 2 biggest elephants in the fiscal room and you guys just keep sweeping those tusks to the closet. You suckers in red ties (or lousy powder blue pant suits) don't want to face up to the facts do you.... You demonize anybody even doing a cursory attempt to fix it, you scare the feces out of the older population into believing their lousy $600 bucks a month will be a thing of the past, and you use it like currency to navigate the halls of legislation. You are all bastard-at-arms for not working on this, but I will give you one more shot to convince my cynical butt that you have the magic bullet. Go ahead,.. make my vote.

6. Yes or No. Are you going to build 30 new refineries and 30 new nuclear plants? (You know, sorta' like France is doing...). Give me a detailed reason why you've made your choice. Details, details, details. No double speak, focus-group tested, public relations firm designed, media-trolling one-liners. I want a 5,000 word thesis on your web site that any layman can understand and thereby hammer you with, once you are done.

7. Can you spend a year campaigning without mentioning the other person? I want to know if you can campaign on your own ideas, and on your own merit, that you can completely ignore any attack, verbal bomb, negative ad or cynical op-ed coming your way......... just break the mold of politico-speak. Talk about you, what you are going to do, what you believe in, why voting for YOU is best for Mother America. One year. Not even the minions in your campaign staff can do it for you. No press release, no "swift-boating", no late campaign "he had a DUI in his youth" morsel.... Zero.

8. Give me a concise plan to overhaul the immigration policy as it stands. Point by point, issue by issue.. from the State Department's archaic policy overhaul, to border matters, fence building, personnel security configuration, Work visas, guest worker programs, quotas of entries,.... the whole Magilla.

9. What is going to be the role of your wife or husband in your administration? Humor me please. Tell me what type of interviews will be allowed (Cosmo? Esquire? Mad Magazine?), what pet projects are to be made du jour, what type of White House china will be picked, ...will you have a pet? How many gala events will you hold in your first 100 days, how many cheap cufflings will you give out at the $5,000-a-pop diners, one-ply? or two-ply for toilet paper? and lastly will you use bullet-proof Toyota Prius' in the Presidential motorcades? (that last pebble was for you, Al G... the site of your 10 miles per gallon-guzzlin' limousine motorcade approaching the Democratic Convention on the night of your acceptance "Kiss" speech in 2000 is still in my mind as the epitomy of "An inconvenient truth" you hypocrite) ... and yes,... I still may see your "I love myself" movie.

10. A philosophical question. Explain to me the beauty of a country where it is mandated to the Military to handle the book of Koran a certain way, always with two hands, (and fully with the respect WE don't even offer to our own religious practitioners)... while serving the needs of prisoners at Gitmo, ... yet we can use the American Flag to roast marshmellows, wax the Volvo, clean your Cat's litter box etc., and no one should get offended over that. A quick Synopsis will do.

Ok, my political exile starts now. You can send you replies to as many of my friends as you like, ... they after all, live vicariously through my musings. This posting will self-destruct in 5 seconds.