Sunday, October 14, 2007

when you hit a wall? re-post...

On July 2006 there was a great uproar over the incident of Qana, in Lebanon. The following is what happens when I happen to go to a blues club with ganja in the air. Did I go to bed? Nah... I just decided to post while under the influence of 2nd hand ganja smoke. Why the re-set? Oh, I don't know, I guess I feel like reliving a good laugh or two.... The posting was called:


(Warning: The following excerpts were stolen from NSA high security computers underneath Fort Meade, Virginia. It depicts a conversation in Southern Lebanon between 2 Hezbollah freedom fighters on the eve of that terrible "massacre" of innocent woman and children at Qana. This conversation has been abbreviated to compensate for the differences in dialect and content. Persons on Prozac consumption, of queasy tummy's and hemorrhaging liberal views will find the content barbaric, myopic and in terrible taste,...... enjoy it!, as I know you still won't contain yourself from reading.)

(The hills of southern Lebanon, north or Qana, 2130 hours GMT)

Mustafa: "Kahlid!, praise be to Allah!, I have found a great place to launch holy rockets into the pit of the Jewish land's underbelly..."

Khalid: "May his elegant blessing be passed to all our martyrs (kneeling and bowing, facing Cleveland, Mecca)... where is this holy site you have found, Mustafa..?"

Mustafa: "It is Qana, a perfect town for our undertaking Kahlid!, Allah will surely guide our hands like holy archers in the night,... we will see the lights of Haifa burn like the flames of Hades!... "

Khalid: "But where?... Qana is but a small village, no holy warriors live there! Surely there must be a place of much safer passage, no? and what about the U.N. Forces...."

Mustafa: " What U.N. Forces?... (laughs echoing in the night), they are but a token force with no authority to stop the movements of Hezbollah!, they can't even do their own mandate of dis-arming us much less preventing us from positioning ourselves there; those blue turtle-headed muppets! 2,000-strong they are and all but a paper tiger with no teeth,... You must have faith in my reasoning my un-circumcised Brother, Allah works in mysterious ways.."

Khalid: "Then praise be to him, my twice-circumcised friend,.. for he has surely given you visions greater than I am able to see..."

Mustafa: "We have already pre-positioned camera crews from CNN, Al-Jazeera and our own Musli-vision to cover the massacre to come. A reality show contract with MSNBC is sure to follow,... it will be a...."

Khalid: "Massacre?... of what massacre do you speak of Mustafa?..."

Mustafa: (with puzzled look at Khalid)"...why, the glorious massacre leveled to the woman and children of our safe house once the hateful Jews drop those 5000-pound bombs down our sorry Syrian asses!, what other massacre could it possibly be you nappy-headed Damascan?..."

Khalid: (gulping...) "but why are we to perish?...why can't we live to tell the tale to our sons, to our daughters? to our Clitoris-less wives?... What is the logic of launching holy Katushkies from a home full of children and our venerable Muslim woman?..."

Mustafa: "... Its KATYUSHA rockets you un-educated half-breed, .. and you call yourself Hezbollah!, don't you see? first we launch, then Israel's demonic telemetry software picks up the trajectory of the incoming rockets, and instantly vectors those Satanic American-made F-16's to our site virtually assuring may-sweeps like ratings to Al-Jazeera and CNN once the bodies of the babies are recovered,... Cristian Amanpour must be in a nippled frenzy with expectations!..."

Kahlid: "Mustafa!... the heavens smile upon your wisdom.... you are truly a descendant of Mohammed's sperm sack,... , but how do you know that this plan will work?,.. will the American Media comply to our plans?..."

Mustafa: " sack-less brother, the American media has been our ally since September 12, 2001. By Allah, this is how it will happen, and so it shall be written in songs,... First we kidnapped 2 Israeli soldiers stupid enough to wander too close to the border, then we held them much the same as those held by those Syrian-wanna-be Palestinians in Gaza,... and once the Israelis sent Commandos to rescue them, we launched hundreds of rockets at their northern towns,.... Israel has leveled attacked on our people in proportions never witnessed by American Anchormen. All this, and the media still thinks its THEIR fault Khalid! (laughing even louder) The prophets must surely be on our side,..... the media has been on Allah's side since then,... and once the massacre of Qana comes in living color into the MTV-filthy living rooms of the infidels, we will have won the battle that counts,... the media opinion. THAT, my camel breath-smelling brother, is how wars are won, tanks, no airplanes,... but the blessings of an Izuzu trooper filled with gullible journalists looking for a Pulitzer prize...."

Khalid: "Pulitzer what?..... hmmmm..., but surely the American media will wake up from their drunken stupor and realize we have been pupeteering their focus, no?.... how can we be assured of their cooperation?

Mustafa: "My brother,... Thousands upon ten of thousands Christian Africans have been massacred by our Muslim brothers in the Sudan. THAT is a real massacre,.. yet not a word about it is heard in the American media. The Jews days are numbered in the world my friend,... the media will do what the Saudis, the Egyptians and the rest of the Arab league could not do in the battlefield in 1967 and 1973,... they will bring the star of David to its knees,... there to be beheaded by the collective swath of the Arab sword,.. we will prevail Khalid!, we care more about hating the Jews than we care about loving the lives of our own brothers, woman and children,... such is our entefada, such is our jihad..."

Khalid: ".... Mustafa.... I am ready!,... I am ready to die, to become a martyr (jumping for joy amongst the ivy bushes)..., tell me, oh enlightened one,... will our 72 virgins be at the waiting?... will they be lovely and robust will large alabaster bosoms and stout buttocks? will they look anything like the heathen Aryan German woman we saw during the world cup?...(panting)...."

Mustafa: "Better than that Khalid,... they will be feeding you grapes in heaven,... as you touch their un-shaven legs!..."

Kahlid: "Allah be praised!...... what was that noise?......"

(static... loud unintelligible Hebrew in the background. High-pitched scared-shitless Arabic noises........... Silence)


WomanHonorThyself said... dramatic!

TRUTH-PAIN said...

.... Woman,
I'm just trying too get into the screen actors guild..... :)

The Liberal Lie The Conservative Truth said...

Sarcasm and parody are wonderful things! Well done!

TRUTH-PAIN said...

Were it not for sarcasm I would not have a sense of humor....
Thanks for stopping by... :)

Robert (Conservative Commentary) said...

If it were not for sarcasm, my wife would think I was a nice person and we can't possible have that.

This is something appropriate for an episode of M*A*S*H* !!!!!!!

TRUTH-PAIN said...

Tell me about it.... if it were not for Sarcasm,... I dont think I would HAVE a life.....

M*A*S*H*..... i knew my characters had a touch of "Hawkewe" in them... (Ha!)

Wadical said...

Sarcasm is my alternative to knocking someone's head off. I need it like I need air.

Great post! I know you don't watch it, but SNL has skit writers that aren't as talented. Perhaps you should send them a portfolio.

TRUTH-PAIN said...

You said:
"Sarcasm is my alternative to knocking someone's head off. I need it like I need air."

Is that the gospel, or what? That pretty much sums it up for me. I prefer to wail away some good dosage or satire or sarcasm, rather that going DEFCON... Besides,... sometimes, the other person doesn't get it,... which makes it even more fun... :)

As to the Scripts,... i just do them for fun, venting,... I may send one just to see if Im just being obtuse or too humble with the ideas,... but thanks! It's flattering to know you think they are worth a peek by the SNL crews!

Obob said...

hey TP, with an impending doom of a writer's strike, you have a shot

TRUTH-PAIN said...

I figure that with the debacle at War Memorial Coliseum (Da Bears), I could at least make your tears go away with a chuckle or two...:)

American Interests said...

Mustafa: tell me oh enlightened one is my vision (panting), my vision of the 72 sweet and pure virgins as beautiful as the real ...


TRUTH-PAIN said...

LMAO!!!! That is hillarious! thanks for the link!

Wadical said...

That's friggin' fantastic! Nuns w/ guns! I can't breath! Oh, my stomach hurts! Hahahahah!

TRUTH-PAIN said...

"Nuns with Guns",,,,, Tell me that is not a slogan asking to be put on a bumper sticker :) Ha!

American Interests said...

Glad you found funny.

Check out Brooke's post at:

about Guliani is definitely the war candidate ...and my comments in regard to same...

Have a great day or night...

Paul Champagne said...

All those trips I took to Ft Meade, and never realized there were NSA computers below ... Ohh wait, I traveled to Ft Meade, MD. Sorry wrong Meade.

Couldn't resist

But sooo, soo funny.

Obob said...

If the little girls could tackle ... but the post is a classic.
No problem going to the well now and then. I need to find my muse right now. Clio has evaded me for a stretch.

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