Monday, May 12, 2008

Political Party Coolness 101

.... or how the GOP can re-invent itself with the coolness factor.

The GOP has simply run out of cool. I don't think the GOP has had anything cool since,.... well since,..... hang on it will come to me,...

Seriously, think of it for a sec. The Democrats have the cool factor down pat. They have Hollywood pimpin' them, they have musicians jumping aboard, the seem to be light years ahead in the integrating the internet and TV to massage their message, and finally, having Eddie Murphy plan "Donkey" on Shrek just put the Elephant 6 feet under for good. Pachyderms no longer rule. They have the cool issues, they have the young cool mouth pieces, they have the cool love of the world, .... its cool to be a Democrat. I don't see too many Dubya 2004 bumper stickers anymore.....What to do? Well, the Pain-Man knows compassion and the Elephant Party is in dire need of an extreme makeover. Why am I doing this? Hey,... as an ex Republican myself I have a soft spot for my ex party brethren. Besides, at heart I am a true conservative in the mode of Thomas Jefferson (Yeah.... the founder of the Republican Democratic party back in the day of Washington). The original member of the modern-day Democrats was a true revolutionary small-government Libertarian. They just did not call themselves that. Pity. But I digress. So here are my TOP FIVE things the GOP can do to increase their coolness factor and start gathering votes from the next generation of voters.

1. GET RID OF THE OLD FARTS. Sorry, I know its rude and even mean, but it has to happen. Look at the stable of candidates you guys have rolled out since 1976. Ford vs Carter? (Ford looked like Frankenstein without the neck bolts. Carter even had hair over his ears! Very cool. The aberration was Reagan and Bush 41 (Carter just imploded with the hostage crisis thing). Although older than Carter, in 1980 Reagan just looked cool! And in 1988 Bush 41 had "Potatoe" Quayle to offset Dukakis' size 56 melon so he barely made it. But after that? Disaster! Bush and Quayle had no chance against Clinton and Gore in 1992. They looked cool together. Again in 1996 the GOP pulled out the oldest of war horses, Bob Dole as a sacrifice lamb. Skip the next two Bush 43 wins and what does the GOP do? Again they drop the oldest of war horses in McCain. C'mon! No matter what you think of Obama, the guy is out there playing basketball with the NC Tar Heels! That is cool! Seriously people, take a cue from Democrats. They are brutal with any ex candidates. You think they gave Dukakis, Ferraro, Kerry or Gore a second chance? Nope. They went to the ash-heap of democratic donkey-dung pile. Bring on the fresh meat.

2. GOP. Let's see, it stands for "Grand Old Party".... emphasis on old..... Nix it. Call yourselves the GYP (Grand Young Party), or NRP (New Republican Party) or BMJP (Bad Mamma Jamma Party).... anything but old! You want to connect with the next youth generations you have to market yourself much better than the word "OLD" and a freaking elephant. How about the Snake as a mascot? You know like the "Don't tread on me" Snake used in the flags of the original 13 colonies. That appeals to the bad-ass mentality of most men and it will have had a bonding thing with most woman (you know,... the garden of Eden's Snake with the apple thing....)

3. Streamline your platform so that, a) most people know what you stand for and b) put some things in there than the youth and generation X'ers can relate to. No, I am not saying pander to a specific group, I mean massage the message in a way that makes it compelling to everybody, not just middle-age, white, Christian, conservative voters. There is a nobility and coolness about "conservatism" that transcends age. Show it to them! Show the masses that being progressive is not exactly what the work implies! Look, if you ask anybody in the street what the GOP stands for they may say... "uh they're for the rich, they hate blacks and Latinos, they appoint Nazi-era judges, are against woman's rights and want to shove God down our throats"..... do you want the media to continue to propel this bullshit? Hell, I don't even know what the GOP stands for anymore. Small government, no nation building?... less spending? paying down the debt? ... Speak up in a language what we can ALL understand. Find a messenger, a good one, not just a bunch of politicians who are after their own asses...., find a voice, an image, a standard bearer that is not politically vested and can transcend political cycles!

4. Don't settle for mediocrity. Bush?... regardless of what you think about the man, do you believe he was the best and the brightest we had in 2000 amongst 290 million citizens? Seriously people, this is not just you but all of us settle for shitty quality simply because the only ones who run are the ones who have either name recognition or more money than Trump to GET name recognition. Where are the citizen-politicians envisioned by John Adams? where are the people that don't want to make it a career out of sitting their acne-laden asses on the Capital Rotunda? Scour the land and find them. Find the next generation of people that believe in the original intents of conservatism, find the voices who can project the good of the cause, find the examples of people that went from welfare to self-care because they found the winning formula of self reliance and hard work. Find cool examples of conservatism in everyday life. They are out there you know...

5. Lastly, don't let the Democrats hijack the cool issues, please! Teddy Roosevelt started the Antiquities movement and (to some of my own disagreement) reserved huge areas of the nation to be conserved in perpetuity for generations to come. The environmental movement is about "conserving" the planet and the nature of things. How the f**k did you guys let the Democrats hijack your issue? you could have owned it forever? Freedom of choice? the only choice the Democrats espouse is choice to abort, that is it! Freedom of choice should extend to schooling, health care and retirement plans! How did you guys let them hijack the word freedom to the point that people really thing the Democratic party is the party of Liberty?....

This party of Lincoln, Teddy and Reagan needs a makeover folks. And the fellas and gals running the show are not going to be the ones to do it. We are in a renewal era of politics and communications where mediums of expression are born everyday. The media no longer controls all the venues of messaging. We have our own. Put a bullet to the Elephant and let him pass on. He is done, tired and symbolically dead. Wake up GOP,..... wake up!

P.S. That's the very cool-looking Republican Governor of Alaska, Sara Palin, by the way.....


The Liberal Lie The Conservative Truth said...

Good post. I think make over is just the tip of the cleaning is also another good way of describing what needs to take place.

Get rid of the old carpets and put in new hard wood floors.

Robert (Conservative Commentary) said...

Palin is cool.

This is an interesting post. I think there has been something in conservative minds for a long time, at least mine, but not able to pull it out.

You are right, there is no cool factor in the GOP anymore. We have failed to reach out to younger voters, but of course state education doesn't give us much of a chance. I had a comeundone with my daughters school when they showed "An Inconvenient Truth" in science class without the opposing perspective, much less some honest discussion on the fact that we allowed liberal policies to create the mess.

Anyway, we have raised a generation or two of people who care more about feeling good about themselves than to reach solutions to issues and to be honest with the root cause and honest about the reasons for failures. Look, the libes still say that the reason we have people in poverty is because of GOP tax cuts and cold hearts. Now hundreds of billions of dollars later we have jsut as many people in poverty. But don't you dare suggest we change our public policy.

Talk about rants....give me an internet connection and I can take over the world!

TRUTH-PAIN said...

I hear ya. I feel sorry for the party of my youth.... it bears little resemblance for the tenants that made me become a Republican in the first place.


Glad to see your internet is up and running again... cant wait that THAT rant!
I remember seeing a ton of movies in school when I was a kid. None had any contrarian points of view for "fair and balancing" if you will. The fact that environmentalism is in vogue makes is an easy sell to show that movie in the name of awareness.
In fairness (and unfairness to the kids)to the public Education system (to which i hold little love by the way...) there is nothing that holds the Teachers accountable to giving broad views and opinions. God knows i had to find out opposing views by my lonesome....

Obob said...

Palin would be bring that va-va-voom the BMJP needs. I like the new name, it says we're hip m************s.
Which brings to light what the Republicans need to do. Say screw being "nice." Bring the hammer down that makes the Democrats fear their sins will be published with the tenacity to bring down Jericho.
Don't beat the Democrats, bury them

Ms.Green said...

I like the "Grand Young Party" idea. Problem is, there is nothing grand about them anymore.

I'm a very discouraged conservative. I can't believe my only options for president are the three stooges.

D.S.Harford said...

Vote Libertarian