I finally figured out ...

The Shoe thing ...

Don't click away, you're really at the house of Pain. I know the topic is a little odd, but bear with me,... you may be the beneficiary of my discovery in 5 minutes, (or if a woman, something about yourself....)

My girlfriend is a shoe addict; seriously. She owns at least 8 or 9 dozen... minimum. If it were just an obsessive-compulsive thing like Sarah Jessica Parker in "Sex in the City" then I would casually blow it off amongst the many things men don't get about woman. But this is not just something to blow off so flippantly.

You see, what I have discovered by watching her day-to-day ritual of footwear is that for a woman, the shoe can be a road map to how the gal is feeling that particular day or (if you're my Girlfriend), moment. If she is wearing the $300 Coach open-toe Sahara pumps,... I know she is feeling sexy, yet demure. The flats?... either tired, lazy or not too frisky. The wood-heeled pumps? (like the pic) she is ready to kick ass and take names at work. The black mid ankle strappy stilettos with the bronze brooch?... those ones say "Don't even think about sleeping tonight....". Yes, identifying her moods based on her choice of shoe has been a fun to do as of late...

For the longest time I did not get it. I mean, don't get me wrong,... a woman with a well-appointed pump gives her calves a flare that unmistakeably gives her a regal gait. Add to that a perfect one-foot-in-front-of-the-other walk and most men will be slurping back their drool. I dig it. Shoes are sexy, no matter if you have a foot fetish or not. A shoe can make or kill an outfit,.. not to mention a mood. But why the obsession with the sheer numbers?... See it has to do with variety, yes variety... as in the one thing most surveys say we need to keep us interested. Woman know we are creatures of habit, that if left to our devices and genetically-written code we would be filling every orifice that moves. So because of that, woman (since they can't just osmose into a kaleidoscope of different woman just to amuse us) keep us interested by changing skins...... ie. shoes, clothing, accessories..... But, you ask, this does not answer the question of the post, ... why the extraordinary passion for shoes?

Chick Psychology 101. Get the popcorn ready. A shoe transcends her "bad days". You just can't go and buy a pair of jeans or a dress when you are depressed. Woman change,... woman are cursed and blessed with the purloined hormonal ebb and tide.... Some days they feel thin..., some days,... they do not.... , so clothes don't cut it when it comes to the mental panacea. Clothes don't kneel to their moody whims like a shoe can. See, the foot may grow or decrease a few microns from day to day,... but not enough to not permit her to wear any damn one she pleases. Even on her "bad" days, .... or terrible "hair" days,... the perfect shoe from the closet can save the moment. The right shoe can lift her from the doldrums of split ends and water retention to instantly feeling as if there is a red-carpet from the exit of her home into the 2002 Toyota Corolla. The shoe, is -for all intents and purposes- ... magic. That's not to say that there are woman that simply love them for the fashion statement. I am sure there are many reasons as to why they punish themselves by shoe-horning themselves into leather-based triangles of torture.... Hey, I said you were going to learn something, I did not guarantee if would make any damn sense whatsoever.

In a way, I am a lucky man. My woman does not ever take her bad days out on me. Nope. A bad day at the office if followed by a trip to the friendly pedicurist, where for 30 bucks or so they make her perfect size-7 feet look the part for an Alberto Vargas pin-up poster. Another $400 for a pair of Jimmy Cho's and she is ready to take on the planet,... or the next primary debates,...whichever is most daunting...

..... I have got to do this more often, ..... who needs politics?....