Tuesday, February 26, 2008
WHAT WAS I THINKING? ...
Isn't revisionist history great? Especially when applied to one's self? My mind has been musing lately on all the things I've said, done, prognosticated, hoped-for or just plain gotten wrong going back to my "Yute". Here's a sampling:
* When I was a kid (mid-60's) the year 2000 seemed like a Star Date right out of Sci-Fi. I was dead certain we would all have flying cars like the Jetson's, our watches would have little monitors (like Dick Tracy) and I would have a lot more hair. None of them came true.
* I prognosticated that Rudy and Huckabee would be the wining ticket for the GOP. I may have batted .1000 here if Rudy had not run the worst campaign since McGovern in 1972. Mike Huck may still join McCain, but I still won't vote for him. I'm staying home in November.
* I also said Hillary was going have the primary wrapped-up by January 2008,... life does have a giant sucking sound, doesn't it Rodham? (Quote by Perot so I am still plagiarism-free)
* I said Arnold was going to clean Gray Davis' clock in the California Governor's race (I was right). Then I got stupid and said he was going to ride his Hollywood bully pulpit down the Democratic Legislative body and make California a truly centrist GOP state. I forgot to count the Maria Shriver factor. Arnold is a R.I.N.O (on steroids at that). That's "Republican In Name Only" for those of you politico-lingo challenged.
* I swore our troops were going to be met with flowers and fanfare in downtown Baghdad when they first went in. They were. I just figured it would last more than 15 minutes. It did not. I also predicted Playboy would have a "Woman of the Sunni Triangle" edition immediately thereafter. I'm still waiting on that...
* I thought the Minuteman movement down at the border would be a seminal moment in the history of border politics and that it would start a much-needed reversal of policy. It didn't.
* In feeling sorry for white America, I lobbied for a "White History month" to be taught in our schools; you know, just like black and latino history months are?.... Not that I am white by any measure but I just though the Caucasians where taking it in the ass with not having one. It went over like a wet fart after bad nachos at Taco Bell.
* Having failed at the above, I lobbied for 2 token white guys to be part of every NBA team. Sort of like a affirmative action for white boys, ya' know? Amazingly they scoffed at my idea due to something called "competition"....? the horror! What was I thinking.
* I though Ray Nagin would be toast after his "New Orleans will always be a chocolate city" comment. I failed to take into consideration the everlasting patience, stupidity and spineless disposition of some (most?) voters.
* I tried to pimp the principled disposition of my party, the Libertarian party that is (www.lp.org), and both Democrats and Republicans laughed at my sorry ass. I have one more post coming on that one.
* I glowingly said that "In our Hands" by Charles Murray was the coolest, most though-provoking book I had read the whole year,... and got lambasted for supporting eugenics. Do you see a pattern here?...
So what the hell; here a sampling of my bold predictions for the rest of 2008.
* Barack is taking the White House, but not by the landslide the talking heads are yapping about. McCain is going to surprise some people with his strength in the south and (trumpets please) that he loses California by only 2 points. And no, he is really not picking the Huckster as his VP. It's Lieberman baby.
* Speaking of Barack, twenty minutes after he sits his boney ass in JFK's old chair (shouldn't they retire that freakin' thing?) Russia, China, Iran, Bosnia, Venezuela, and a half dozen other countries will begin planning how to test the new American President. The first 100 days will be ugggglyyyyyy.
* Thirty minutes after his boney ass is still plastered to the cracked leather, the House will bring forth a resolution to impeach Bush, Cheney, God, Condoleeza, Ralph Nader and any other person or entities who pissed of the party of the Donkey in the last 8 years.
* Fifty minutes after his boney............. Mitt Romney will move to Iowa to begin campaigning for 2012. John Edwards will be 2 doors down the hall.
* Not wanting to go through the impaling process again, Hillary will back-stab Harry Reid at the first opportunity and try to run the Senate for the next 20 years. Yes, she will win the leadership role and probably be King-maker for the next 4 democratic primaries.
* Speaking of Hillary, having no use for Bill, she will finally dump his useless butt and have Ellen Degeneres move into her digs. Ellen will be quoted as saying "Shame on you Bill!".
* Your think McCain is a pugnacious, hot-tempered little shit now? Wait till he loses the election. His arms will retract another 6 inches, the comb over will look like David Gergen's, and his wife Cindy will divorce his ass too...., just in case he really did boink that lobbyist.
* The U.S. will really put the hammer down in the Summer Olympics and kick serious booty in most of the events. The success of the Americans will further piss the world off, and the crowds will chant "Ste.......roids!" during each medal presentation. Barry Bonds will not be allowed into the country. His larger-than-Godzilla head will be deemed a "clear and present danger" to the communist government.
* As to me? I will still be making inroads to the local political apparatus, I will still be going to the cave quite often, and my Blog postings will still get a Blog readability test of "Elementary School". (I swear that made me laugh my ass off...)